A Blissful Heart

Five Years of Blogging

2012-01-24T08:00:00.001-06:00

As I have been updating my blog a bit this week, adding a few posts, and trying to determine if I wanted to even keep it going I noticed that this week marks five years of blogging. It was in 2007 that I started this blog and announced that we were beginning the adoption journey. I found myself panning through old posts and looking at all the things we have walked through over the past five years. It truly has been a life changing five years. I've watched God transform my marriage into something so special, seen my toddler begin to grow into a young girl, ventured to another country to bring two beautiful brown skin babes into our family, and experienced growth in my personal walk with the Lord. There have been many lows too. I found old posts where I questioned what God was doing in our family, and wasn't sure I was cut out to parent two children who were not biologically mine. The truth is five years has gone by so fast. There were times it felt as if time would never move and I wept over the stillness I felt in each day but here we are... five years later and I have the posts to tell an amazing story.

Maybe I will keep the blog going.....

Tuesday's Review: Shades of Black

2012-01-24T08:00:00.000-06:00

Being a multiracial family can sometimes be a little tricky. In our house it's obvious we have differences among us. We notice it and others notice it (sometimes more than I want them to). It's important to me that everyone feels like they belong so we are purposeful in making sure that there are a variety of items in our home to reflect the diversity that we are. Books are just one of those things. Working in the early childhood field has produced a large variety of books in our home so from time to time I like to share a book within our little library. This is one of our favorites that helps us reflect on the diversity in our house!

Shades of Black by Sandra L. Pinkney is 25 pages of pure uniqueness. In fact a re-occurring line in the book is, "I am black, I am Unique." One of the things we have been encountering over the past year have been the words black and white. Yes we've known those words before - they're colors for pity sakes but because of the teaching on Martin Luther King (which we are thankful for) and other topics like the civil war in our school my girls have learned that we are not just different colors we are either black or white, period. As a mom who tries to bring us together as a family these words separate us instantly and it becomes almost like damage control once the girls come home from school on days that these topics arise. That's why I love this book. It does focus on the shades of black but it re-opens us to that discussion of a variety of shades and not those two dividing words of black and white. Author Pinkney shares fabulous pictures of children who are like the golden brown of sugar, the velvety orange in a peach, and the midnight blue in a licorice stick. Hair is compared to blades of grass, corkscrew twists, soft like a cotton ball and stiff like lambs wool. With eyes like steaks of amber in a tigers eye one can't help but be unique! No matter what we are the book ends with the statement "Proud to be me."

Every time we read this book it sparks a discovery of our uniqueness from everyone no matter what your shade is. We've got our own peach pink, olive green, a hershey kiss and a golden pretzel! For us this book brings us together even after the defining colors have pulled us apart. The books is very inexpensive and can be found on amazon or Scholastic.

If you are a family like us with a variety of shades and have a great resource for bringing your crew together like this amazing book leave a comment and share with others!

Blessings,

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Monday Meditation: Qualities of Righteousness

2012-01-23T09:00:00.000-06:00

I love our church. We are so blessed to hear amazing teaching every week. Teaching that really reaches deep into our hearts and speaks to us, challenges us, and teaches us the truths of the bible and God's plan for our lives. As typical with our church the first few weeks of the year are spent focusing on foundational areas of a Christian's life. This week the focus was on God's word. This scripture was not new to me as I have spent time memorizing this particular passage.

(1) Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; (2) but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. (3) He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. (4) The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. (5) Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; (6) for the LORD knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish. Psalm 1

I love how you can hear something over and over in the bible yet each time the spirit moves you to consider it in a different way. It's like this jewel that turns in the light and we are continually discovering new shimmers within it. That is what this passage was like for me today in service. We were directed to 4 qualities of the righteous within this passage. I walked away being reminded of the ways my life should be if I am to be called righteous.

Quality #1 of the Righteous: Separation. In verse 1 the blessed man is the one who walks not with the wicked. Our job is to love those who are sinners but we should not seek council and wisdom from those who are. The advice and wisdom we seek should be from those with like minds - we should move away from ungodly council if we are to remain godly ourselves. We as the righteous are to influence the environment, not be influenced by it.
Quality #2 of the Righteous: Submersion in the word. In verse 2 there are two parts to this submersion: delight and meditate. We are to delight in God's word - it should be savory to us. Our pastor talked about how sometimes the word gets viewed like eating shredded wheat. We know it's good for us but it's dry. We need a little sugar on it or something to spice it up. But when we truly engage in the word the spirit moves it to the place that it becomes savory and sweet. We are to mediate on the word. Not the world's meditate - no need to sit in crazy postures with palms up but to read it, consider it, read it some more, digest it deeply within our souls by continually taking it in so that those glimmers within it begin to pour out of us. If the word does not seem savory then we're probably not meditating enough on it.
Quality #3 of the Righteous: Fruitful. Verse 3 and 4 give us some insights to what fruit a righteous man produces:

Yields fruit in season. When a tree yields fruit in season we know it's healthy, full of vitality
It's leaves do not wither. There is an immunity to the environment and the things which are happening around it.
Full of depth and stability. This tree is planted by the water and has roots deeply planted in the ground which lead to prosperity.

Quality #4 of the Righteous: Confidence. In verse 6 we know that those who are righteous are known by the Lord. When following God we don't have to know the way b/c he does and we can be confident in his goodness and love for us. When life's trials and hard times come our way we can be sure of that love therefore confident of hope and future.

These four points/qualities were such good reminders for me today. I hope in some way they might bless you as well and I hope that your new year is going wonderful!

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Fall Photos

2011-11-02T21:07:00.000-05:00

We had the opportunity for a friend to take some family photos for us. We had such a good time. All said and done our friend took 400 photos. Can you believe it. LOVE!! So she sifted through some and now I'm sifting through some. Can wait to put some of these in frames around our house. So in love with my family!

Photos for A Blissful Heart ONLY please.

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God's Faithfulness - Hope in Him

2011-10-03T23:17:00.000-05:00

It seems that I rarely get to post much anymore on my blog. I want to desperately but find that time slips away from me. We're off and running with school. The kids are doing great and we are making some great strides with AJ. I have a post coming about life with AJ as soon as I get more of my thoughts together... but on to today!

I just wanted to take the time to document God's faithfulness. We stepped out in this adoption journey with very little. God stretched us financially by moving us to bring home two children rather than one and honestly we have had to keep a tight rope on our finances since coming home with AJ and Selam. We've been extremely limited just to pay the monthly payments that we took on to cover plane tickets, etc. But today I can say that God is faithful to finish the financial part of the journey. Tonight as I paid our bills I felt so relieved b/c all that extra that we took on has been paid in full! He was even faithful enough to restore our savings back to the place it was prior to us starting this journey!!

He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it. 1 Thes 5:24

Your mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens, and Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds. Psalm 36:5

My faith tells me that not only will he be faithful about our finances but he will also be faithful about our growing bonds with our children, healing their hurts and bringing our family to the exact place he wants us to be. I can HOPE in him that our love for each other will continue to grow and our relationships strengthen b/c I have seen him be faithful in our finances.

For those of you who are coming behind us and maybe are struggling to hold it all together financially, wishing for feelings to appear for your newly adopted children, or feel like you can't get life back under control to some extent just know you can HOPE in the Lord that he will be faithful to you. He will bring you back to a place of being filled b/c you have been willing to step out and sacrifice for him.

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our HOPE in you. Psalm 33:22

I love studying the bible by learning the Greek or Hebrew meanings of words. I find that often my worldly or American view of words really mean something totally different than what the bible is saying. Hope is one of those words! When we say hope in American culture we have a mindset of maybe. I hope it will rain today... but it might not. I hope I get to leave work early... but I might not. Our American hope, our worldly hope is really uncertain. It may or may not come to be. But that is not the HOPE of the the Lord. The HOPE in Psalm 33:22 is a HOPE of absolute certainty, favorable and confident expectation, the happy anticipation of good! There is no maybe in those words!!

God is faithful and we can be confident in our HOPE. We can expect him to bring about good in our lives, to have favor with him when we step out into the deep end of the pool for him. So if you are on this adoption journey or any other journey and wondering like we were a year ago if we would ever come out of the hole know you can HOPE with certainty that you will b/c he is faithful to complete the work.

Mini Lasagnas

2011-09-10T12:25:00.001-05:00

Last weekend with the extra day at home I found myself cooking a little bit more and the urge to try some new recipes. I love to cook but with 3 kids and a full time job it's just not always at the top of the priority list. I need to make it more of a priority b/c it makes me happy and less stressed :)

So one of the things we tried last weekend was Mini Lasagnas. We all love a good lasagna in our house (and I'm talking home made, not one of those things you purchase from the freezer section, LOL) but they are a lot of work. When I found this recipe I had to try it.

They were yummy and everyone but the one little one in the family who doesn't like cheese liked them. I also thought they would be great to make ahead of time and freeze, then all you would have to do is pop in the oven and bake! So, from our kitchen to yours.... well actually from this kitchen to our kitchen to yours - enjoy!

(makes 12)

12 oz raw ground turkey or ground beef
¼ tsp salt, divided
¼ tsp pepper
1 cup chopped onion
½ cup chopped mushrooms
14.5 oz can crushed tomatoes, or tomato sauce
2 cloves garlic, minced
3 tsp dried oregano, divided
½ tsp dried basil
1 ½ cups part skim ricotta cheese
24 small square wonton wrappers (the kind near the tofu in the refrigerated section of the produce dept)
1 1/2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

Preheat oven to 375ºF. Heat a large skillet over medium heat. Add the turkey, onions, mushrooms, salt, and pepper. Crumble the meat and saute the mixture for about 10 minutes, or until the turkey is cooked through. Add the garlic and stir constantly for 30 seconds.

Add the crushed tomatoes and 2 tsp of oregano. Bring the pan to a gentle boil. Reduce the heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Remove from heat and set aside.

In a large bowl, combine the ricotta, a pinch of salt and pepper, the remaining teaspoon of oregano, and the basil. Stir to mix well. Set aside.

Coat a 12-cup muffin tin with nonstick cooking spray. Place 1 wonton wrapper into each of the 12 cups, pressing firmly in the bottom of the cup and up the sides.

Using half of the ricotta mixture, divide it among the 12 muffin cups. Next, using half of the turkey tomato sauce, spoon it evenly over each of the ricotta filled cups. Sprinkle with 2 tsp of mozzarella.

Gently press another wonton wrapper on top of the mozzarella layer. Repeat the process by distributing the remaining ricotta, then the remaining tomato sauce, and finally the rest of the shredded mozzarella.

Bake for 10 minutes, or until the cheese has melted. Let the cups cool, remove them from the pan, and serve!

Nutrition Info for 1 mini lasagna:
Calories: 181.2, Total Fat: 7.9g, Cholesterol: 41.9mg, Sodium: 389.5mg, Total Carb: 13.6g, Fiber: 1 g, Sugars: 1.6g, Protein 14.1g

Bravery!

2011-09-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago we were out having a little fun at the landing in Branson when J said she wanted to get her ears pierced. We've never really even brought it up to her before but at other times she has mentioned it briefly and we told her that if she ever wanted to we could talk about it. We ventured into Claire's and tried so hard to work up the nerve b/c she really wanted to do it but we ended up leaving b/c J couldn't bring herself to sit in the chair. We left with tears and her repeating, "I want to so bad but I'm really scared." We talked about how you have to do things afraid sometimes and what a blessing it is when you finally do. Bryan and I had told her several things we had done afraid and what great things came out of it, but we never pushed.

Over labor day weekend J said again that she wanted to get her ears pierced and that she was scared but excited and she knew she could do it. So without hesitation we all jumped in the car and headed to the mall. We did okay right until they brought out those little guns and she said I'm scared with no I'm excited attached to it. So just like my mother would have done to me, I said, "you're gonna do it! you can do it! and then nodded to the girls to just do it :) With a quick snap it was done and not even a tear.

finding just the right spot for the earings to go

Before

After

So proud of my brave girl!

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Everyone's in school!

2011-09-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it but all three of my kids are in school, and at the same school! Because of needing to be in special programs we've had a variety of schools, bus schedules, etc. That is trying for two working parents. But this year we're in one spot, one bus, one schedule and we get this lovely blessing for two years until miss J moves into upper elementary (that's going to kill me people - my baby in upper... tear!)

J - 3rd grade, S - 2nd grade, A - Kindergarten

J and her teacher - I think they will be a perfect match!

S had her teacher for summer school - they were so excited to see each other. I think S is going to get a ton of love this semester from her teacher :)

A and his teacher - again another perfect fit! A is doing great so far!!

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Summer Birthdays

2011-09-05T09:37:00.001-05:00

I feel the need to try and back track a few posts. The summer kept us on our toes and I didn't post as much as I would have liked to. Both of the girls had birthdays over the summer months. I can't believe how big the kids in this house are getting :) We celebrated by having dinner together on their birthdays with special treats and then had a party together with family and some friends. True sisters to share their bday party :)

The big sis turned 8!

What a young girl she is becoming. She has such a sweetness to her and yet over the past 6 months the ornery has totally shown it's face, LOL. She hug you one minute and try to trick you the next. I have told several that she isn't that little elementary school kid anymore but isn't quite the big kid either. We're teetering somewhere between the two. Things J loves right now: country music (her daddy's influence for sure), peace signs, dreaming of becoming a teacher, bossing the littles around, helping in the kitchen, the color green, and shopping. Lord help us when she is 15.

And the lil' sis turned 7!

Sweet S! She loves to celebrate her birthday. The celebration itself is almost as good as the presents I think. She would go to any and every party we let her go to. She has changed so much since coming into our home. From a scared little girl to some days overly confident, LOL. Things S really loves right now: high heels (she would wear them to bed if we let her) and wearing dresses, playing with her babies, any jewelry and earrings that "dangle", and the kitty cat in our house. Those two have become quite the pair. She figured out that he likes the person that feeds him. Now she's the first to feed and water him each day so when we're laying around he makes a b-line for her lap and she loves it! Quite frankly so do I - keeps him out of my lap :)

Happy birthday girlies! You make our lives soooo special.

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Two years ......

2011-08-16T21:56:00.000-05:00

This week we embark upon a day that I am truly amazed at. It was two years ago on the 13th that we headed out for E*thiopia to bring AJ and Selam home. Two years ago on the 17th that we met AJ and Selam for the first time. Two years ago on the 22nd that we walked off the plane and became a family of 5. I don't know why two years seems like such a big turning point for me. Maybe it's because our journey was so long. Two and a half years from the time we made up our minds to adopt to when they finally came home and now here we are - 2 years in our home! It's interesting to me that the time before they came home drug on so slowly for us. Every bump and bruise of our process along the way was so painful and crippling at times and while these two years home haven't always been easy they have been joyous and full of blessings. They have flown by so fast now that I am on the other side.

In two years....

Jenna has become and amazing big sister. She has grown so much emotionally. Being an only child for 6 years to sharing your life with a brother and a sister overnight - wow! she has handled it so well. We've gone from learning how to share to taking care. She is such a good helper and caretaker for AJ especially. Always willing to help her brother or show him the way. She and Selam have become such good pals. I see them becoming sisters more and more each day. I remember how lonely she was during play time and would even be vocal about how she wanted someone to play with. When I watch her and Selam playing for hours together I see how God hand picked Jenna's siblings for her.

Our sweet Selam as we called her before we ever knew her. When I think about all she has endured and her bravery I find myself speechless. From the day she got on that bus with us in E*thiopia she has had to step out in faith and trust, and while I know her little heart has been racing at times and she's been fearful she's pushed through her worries as best she could. I look back at those really tough days with her right after we came home and I just see a scared little girl full of bravery. The more she's in our lives the more we've seen the sweet disposition come shining through. She loves God, she loves others, she loves us and Jenna and AJ. She lights up at night when she and Jenna are in their room together saying their goodnights. I love hearing her giggle with delight as we say, "girls go to sleep."

AJ - that crazy boy. He has literally turned our world upside down, inside out, and right side up again. Full of energy, amazingly smart, and an endless supply of hugs. He leaps into our laps, snuggles up close and his laugh is contagious. He's tested our parenting in ways that have never been tested before and on days I have thought he might be the end of us, LOL. He tortures the girls but can also get them rolling in hysterics at the drop of a hat. And, while I've always been that momma who would take a stand for my kid AJ has needed us at times to take an even bigger stand. He's truly helped me to step up and be a parent who leads so other parents behind us have it easier.... something I didn't realize was in me.

Bryan and I too have amazed me. I would have to say we have grown so much as parents. I used to think that I was a good parent. I knew what to do when things went crazy, and honestly I think I knew how to do things so well they rarely went crazy. Then.... two years ago things went totally crazy and we went from one to three kids overnight. Now I wonder if I know what the heck I am doing most days. Now I wonder which one of us will end up in therapy ... probably all of us. Now I wonder when order will come back to our lives. Now I wonder when the heck I might get a date night with my husband. I know, you say how do you think that is growing! We've grown because we are learning to be less than perfect, to enjoy every single second we can with each other, to focus on each other and not on the dishes, and to roll with it (whatever it might be). Yea, I would definitely say we have grown :)

If you would have asked me six months after AJ and Selam came to be part of our family if I thought I would feel this good about our new life I would have said no. It was hard and it took everything we had (I am sure for all of us) to push through, but today stepping back I see our beautiful family, functioning incredibly well and full of life. I am blessed and my cup runneth over!

This is an older picture but one of my very favorites! LOVE MY KIDS!!!!

Monday Meditation: He knew me......

2011-07-25T08:00:00.009-05:00

Bringing it back - Monday Meditation!

He knew me.....

We are SUPER blessed to attend a church with fabulous teachers. Our pastor has taught me so much about the bible and it's truths - each time I sit through one of his sermons I always hear something that speaks to me, something that sheds light on God's love for me and his desire in my life. Today was no exception.....

He knew me. God knew me....

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

Ps 139:13 (ESV)

This is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

I John 4:10 (ESV)

Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.

Ephesians 1:4-6 (Message)

I've heard and read this many times and truly believe it deep within my heart but you know how sometimes someone paints a picture for you and it becomes a little more clear.... or you finally clean the windshield of your car and you think, "Wow! I can see so much better!"? That is how I felt today as I sat through the message.

So... let me see if I can paint the picture for you because it's too good not to share!

In 2007 God spoke to Bryan and I and we both felt called to adopt. We prayed about it and tried to follow God's leading in our decision. We chose to adopt from Ethiopia based on His leading and we chose to adopt two children rather than one, we chose to accept older children rather than an infant.... and all the while we were making these choices two little children in Ethiopia were completely unaware of them. On February 10th 2009 our agency called us and said they had a potential referral for us. They shared with us information about two precious children and we made the choice to review their information. Two precious children that had no clue we were looking at their photos, looking at their health information and history. We had a few days to look over their information and make a decision. Would we accept the referral or not accept the referral? After prayer and pouring over the info we made the choice to accept the referral. A and S had a new family, only they didn't even know it. We knew them but they didn't know us. We chose them and we were excited about it. We shared their photos with others, we couldn't wait to go get them, we began making preparations for them in our house. They were a part of us before they ever knew it.

We knew them, we wanted them, we chose them

and they had yet to hear our names even uttered or see a picture of us.

A couple of statements struck me as our pastor delivered the message. He stated that a christian is not a christian because they know about God. They are a christian because they know God and are known by Him. He then went on to talk about what it means to be known by God. He said, when we are truly a christian and are known by him it is as if we are adopted into his family. This part has been said to me multiple times and I've read it multiple times but when he added this statement the picture suddenly had new scenery on it: "It was as if he went to an orphanage, looked around and picked each of us to bring home and call sons and daughters before we ever even knew he was looking at us at the orphanage."

Having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of His will.

Ephesians 1:5 (ESV)

My mind immediately went back to us looking over our kids pictures and information.... how we wanted them before they even knew we existed. My mind went back to Bryan and I signing that paperwork that said we would choose them when they had no idea who we were. The concept that He knew me before I knew Him had a completely different look to me today, and honestly I felt a deeper love spilling over me than I had ever before. I am amazed when the Holy Spirit takes a thought or idea that I have known for years and puts a fresh look to it, a deeper meaning to it and brings me closer to God. I've heard the term "chosen" before but today saw it so differently. I am so thankful that He chose me. Not only did He choose me but He knew me before he laid the foundations of the earth. I feel like I get that one a little bit more tonight and my cup is full when I "just be" in that truth.

As I went back to church tonight we had a special night of worship where we spent a little extra time singing and praising the Lord. Once again the Holy Spirit continued pushing the new ideas he had placed in my mind earlier today. We've sung this song many times but I couldn't help but weeping as we sang the words - you chose me.

Praying for you as you read this - that you might know how much God loves you - how he chose you before you knew him. When you were not paying any attention to him, when you didn't have a single breath in your lungs or a drop of existence on this earth he was dreaming of you. And if you don't know him but only know about him I pray that you somehow feel his love for you and know that he is waiting for you.. he's already chosen you.

Be blessed!

You're getting jipped!

2011-07-24T14:45:00.000-05:00

Wow! For those of you who might follow my blog anymore you're getting jipped! I know it - I haven't posted hardly at all. I have to say I have been at an awkward place and have found that writing about it.... well I'm still not sure how to write about it. We've had a lot going on with our little guy (it's really been going on for a long time) but we are finally beginning to work through the issues we've been having - I'll write specifically about that at another time soon but all that to say those issues with A have caused me to pull back a bit and hold off on writing about adoption related topics until I find my words. Then there is our personal lives - we've simply been busy. I'll post some fun pics in the next few days to catch you up! And finally there's me - God is doing a work in me and honestly I haven't written about it b/c it's like this little internal struggle. I feel like He's moving me I'm just not sure where... maybe to silence, haha.

So, hang on. Posts are a commin' and sorry you all are getting jipped :)

Hope you are having a blessed summer!

Summer of Responsibility

2011-06-21T09:44:00.001-05:00

Well it's officially here, summer that is! Summer is actually a really crazy time for us. It begins a season of running from here to there, tag team parenting and all the while trying to make our time fun as well as really teach the kids skills we want for them to possess during this extra time we have with them. Oh yeah, and add that to both of us working full time jobs. CrAZy!

I had a friend mention that her goal with her kids was to focus on responsibility over the summer. I'm not totally sure what she is doing with the idea but the wording alone was really great for me. As the kids are getting older we're beginning to see a need in directing them more in helping out, etc. I really want my kids to get a sense of how important it is in a family to do your part and serve each other, and while they are pretty good at that now it's time to step it up a little.

With that said I created a Chore Chart we will be using each week with the kids. I snagged the idea from a collection of other blogs as I began searching for ways to add some responsibility to every day life.

Open publication - Free publishing - More chores

Each week a name is assigned to a specific weekly task. They are responsible for carrying out that task all week along with completing the daily task as well. The kids have done well so far. We have tried to make the jobs fun in some way. For example, kitchen helper has their own apron and chef hat! They help out from the time we start preparing dinner until clean up. That also allows us to have a little one on one time with each one of them which they all really love.

BTW - if anyone is wondering there are no rewards attached besides encouragement and gratitude. We had some good discussion prior to starting the chart about how we all have roles to play in a family (for example mine is typically cooking dinner each night) and that we fulfill those roles because we care about the others enough to do it willingly and serve the others. It's been amazing to watch as maybe one finished their task quicker then opt to help another complete their task. This doesn't happen all the time but it does happen! That tells me we are making progress... one step at a time.

Just thought I would share! Hope you and your family is having a wonderful start to Summer.
Kim

Preschool Graduate

2011-05-28T19:38:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it but all my kids are officially now going to be in school. AJ finished up his last day of Preschool on Thursday and is now a Kindergartner.

Just for fun ....... on the first day of preschool

Last day of Preschool ...........

Have I told you that AJ is now taller than the girls, weighs more and has bigger feet. I do believe he is going to be a big boy! Let's hope Bryan and I can continue to get our bluff in on him b/c I have a feeling that by the time he is in 5th grade he and I will be eye to eye.

Anyway - just taking a moment to celebrate the amazing and crazy, fun loving, free spirited little guy the Lord placed in our home. We are super blessed!

Easter Beauties!

2011-05-16T19:46:00.001-05:00

I thought some might enjoy some new pics of the kids. These are from Easter. They are growing like crazy!

Two crazy girls who are really becoming sisters! What a blessing God has given by giving them each other.

Sweet S!

Big Sis!

The boy! All Boy!! AJ never lets our world get boring :)

I can't imagine having any other children in our home. God truly did bring the perfect children (all three of them) into our lives.

And I love this pic of the girls twirling. We had so much fun picking out Easter dresses. Can I just say that these dresses won out from the selection they were trying on based on twirl factor, LOL. You should have seen us in the dressing room. Dress on - twirl, dress on - twirl. I have to say these two did have the best twirl!

It's a little late but hope you had a blessed Easter!

Cold Plate: A Favorite Summer Meal!

2011-05-15T19:43:00.000-05:00

One of our favorite meals on a Sunday afternoon and summer time is a cold plate. It works out great for our family b/c two of our three kiddos are pretty picky. This gives them the opportunity to pick and choose and it means no arguments about what you are going to eat. This is on our weekly meal list every week and sometimes twice a week during the summer months when we're eating later due to being outdoors longer.

So what is a cold plate? It's a variety of items that are either cold or require no cooking on our part. For us it usually consists of a fruit variety (grapes, strawberries, mangoes, kiwi, bananas, orange slices and apples with peanut butter are a few of our favorites), cheese and crackers, sometimes sushi, typically something from the deli like a selection of lunch meats/cold cuts, some type of salad or chicken. Other items that grace the cold plate table include cottage cheese, yogurt, nuts and berries, raw veggies, chips and dip/salsa.

Here are a few pics from our cold plate today

As you can tell we just lay it all out so everyone gets to pick what they want. I also love that it brings the opportunity to use a variety of untensils at the table. It's pretty fun watching your kids learn to use a set of tongs to pick up the fruit from the table... not to mention great for their development!

On every cold plate at our house: Cheese and crackers. Today we added Italian cold cuts on swiss cheese and crackers.

Strawberries, Kiwi and Magoes

Sushi rolls (suprisingly 2 of my kids will eat sushi) and general chicken. Both of these items came from our deli on the way home from church today.

Super Easy, Super Fun, and Everyone gets something they love!
Enjoy,

Feelings - same and different

2011-05-01T19:51:00.001-05:00

We often get questions about adoption.... questions about us specifically as well. We like to see those questions as an opportunity to share God's love for the orphan, God's love for us, and the reality of this adoption journey. On occasion a really great question gets asked - one that I think is worthy of producing a post on the blog!

Recently through an email conversation with someone who is interested in adoption and our story I got asked about my feelings toward my children since one is by birth and two by adoption. This person also has a child by birth and has questions about how she might feel toward children she would adopt. Will it be different? Will her responses to the children be the same? I assured her that these questions are very normal and I along with several other families whom we know that are similar to our situation have questioned those same things.

So what about our feelings ......... my feelings specifically. I can't speak for other families but I can share our experiences. My short answer would be, "they are the same and they are different."

Some examples of the same.........

A desire to protect and provide safety: with all my children no matter which way they came to me I have a desire to protect them. New situations they encounter worry me and I want to know that they will be safe and not afraid. I see them doing something dangerous and no matter which child they are I am right there to direct and guide and keep them safe.
A desire for them to be happy: no matter which of the three .... my heart is happy when they are happy. I love seeing them have fun, experiencing joy and being free from life's worries.

There are times, however, that it's different. J came into our lives almost 8 years ago by birth. I carried her for 9 months and for almost 8 years now have met her needs, provided safety and security, laughed and played with her, etc. There is something about when she sits in my lap where she and I both melt into each other. Our hearts beat at the same pace, she completely relaxes into me and fully trusts. It's an amazing thing. I would have to say that we're not "trying" at the realationship with Jenna, it just is.... if that makes sense.

With S & A the relationship doesn't just happen. It's what I would call work in progress. I think a common misconseption of families who adopt is "love at first sight" or that "it just is" feeling that I mentioned above that we have with our biological daughter. We did love them from the minute we saw their referral pictures and the moment we met them was equally as special as the moment J was put into my arms for the first time, but truth be told we quickly realized we were all just strangers to each other who had been thrown into living together. It takes a while for strangers to get to know one another, become close and enjoy each other.

If I am being truthfully honest this stranger issue..... puts a barrier between us at times. I don't always know what they need and they don't always come to us when they need something. They're learning how to trust us and we're learning to read their cues. Have I missed a few of those cues? Absolutely! That doesn't mean I love them less - it just means I am still getting to know them.

Love takes time to grow and develop. I struggled with that the first year we were home. I desperately want to love A & S as I love J but I have had 8 years to develop my relationship with J. It's bound to be different.... how could it not be. I had to cut myself some slack and allow love to grow between all of us. I continually pray for God to join our hearts and bring our relationship with S & A to that "just is" place. The bible says, he knows the desires of my heart and promises to give those to me when I delight in him.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

I have to say this too about my feelings for A & S..... It has completely put me in a place of seeing just how gracious my God is. We are all adopted into God's family when we accept Jesus Christ as our savior and Lord. I first hand know the struggles now to find feelings for a child who is not biologically mine. I have failed miserably at times in my search for feelings. A specific example: one of the kids fell outside and I wasn't as sympathetic as I could have been. Truth is I would have handled it differently with J. I became aware instantly of that feeling and felt as though I had failed in that moment. But God NEVER fails in his love for us. I am grafted in to God's family just as A & S are grafted into our family. God NEVER fails to pick me up when I fall down and his feelings for me are perfect in every way. I was never fully aware of that until he took me down this adoption journey and I realized how difficult it can be at times to love even when you want to with all you have.

I have no doubt in my mind that somewhere down the road my relationship with S & A will be at that "just is" place that I have with J. Until then we just keep growing. It's amazing how far we've come. Home almost two years and I've already learned so much about my children. I am eager to see what feelings and emotions come for my children after another two years!

Potato Goop

2011-04-18T18:23:00.000-05:00

From time to time we like to share a favorite recipe. This one doesn't sound overly appetizing since we call it goop but it is super yummy. We love a good baked potato in our house and several years back at a family gathering my auntie made what we like to call "Goop."

I couldn't get a super great pic of the goop this evening but trust me you're gonna want to try it!

Ingredients:
Butter
Sour Cream
Cheddar Cheese (Shredded)
Bacon (cooked until crispy then broken into pieces)
Salt and Pepper to Taste
Optional: Green Onions (chopped)

I don't have exact measurements but we take Sour Cream and mix it with butter until there is somewhat of a thickness to it and it tastes like we want it. Add a good cup of Shredded Cheddar Cheese (by the way I don't use the finely shredded, we like the thicker shreds). Cook the Bacon (usually 3-4 pieces) until really crisp and break apart into pieces for homemade bacon bits. Mix all together and add Salt/Pepper to taste. We put it in the fridge to set for about an hour before serving.

Enjoy! Hope you had a happy Monday!!

Overwhelmed - in a good way....

2011-03-31T08:00:00.001-05:00

Radical by David Platt - have you read it?

I just finished it a couple of weeks ago and my mind is overwhelmed, in a good way. Here's a sneak peak if you have not read it.

My book is now full of my own notes, full of highlighted areas where I found statements so profound that I am not sure as to what I should even do with them. Statements like this, "What would happen if we stopped giving the poor our scraps and started giving them our surplus?" Or this one..."The American Dream: To make much of ourselves, The Gospel: To make much of God."

A few more..... "Isn't the hidden assumption among many Christians in our culture that if we follow God, things will go well for us materially? Such thinking is explicit in health and wealth teaching and it is implicit in the lives of Christians whose use of possessions looks virtually the same as that of our non-Christian neighbors." In my book this area is highlighted with a big "OUCH" written next to it. And, "There is never going to come a day when I stand before God and he looks at me and says, I wish you would have kept more for yourself."

Okay, so enough of the quotes - I could go on and on b/c so much of it stood out to me, but my mind is racing and evaluating the things we are doing in our lives.... or not doing in our lives for that matter. I look around my house and see things. Don't get me wrong we don't have the best things by any means but we have nice things and things I am not sure why we really even need. My kids are learning the game quickly of things. "Mom, can we have a DS?" "Mom, when are you going to get an IPhone?" The whole mom can we get that is a regular in our house. And I have to say internally I want the IPhone - oh yes I do. Internally I don't like denying myself and I don't do it well. I can't help wondering am I only giving away scraps, does my life look like the non-christian who is seeking materialism. I think materialism has been a speck in my eye that I didn't even realize. OUCH! And the whole statement about standing before God and knowing he will never tell me I wish you would have kept more for myself just puts into perspective that at some point he is going to ask me what did you give. What did I give?????????

So the speck seems to be removed but now what? Can I just say satan is moving in closely. He really is and I honestly didn't even know it. We have an amazing opportunity ahead of us - we are going to be able to pay off all our adoption debt with our taxes this year (YEA God!) and ohhhhhh how thoughts of materialism are creeping back in. How badly I want to do this or want to do that. The typical American dreamer says, "hey I got a tax return back, what can we go buy!" Not only is he tossing wants and desires in front of me but he's twisting around the principles of the word in my own mind. One minute I am feeling solid about our choices according to scripture and the next he is making me feel guilty about them. In the midst of all that this thought from the book keeps popping back up, "Our neglect of the poor illustrates much about ourselves." What is it that I want to illustrate about my life? Self is not one of them. It's not one of them that I want my children to learn either. We are far from rich in American standards but in worldly standards we are among the wealthiest. Just for fun try finding out for yourself how rich you really are http://www.leastof.org/worldwealthcalculator

I don't know that I have any major conclusions yet. I don't seem to have the final answers on where or what God is leading me to but what I do know is he is moving me to consider something bigger than the American dream. What happens to it anyways when I am gone from this life? Most people's possessions are sifted through and distributed between family members then sold off to others who want to accumulate more stuff. I know we have done okay in this area - we've not overly indulged ourselves by any means but He is definitely pushing me further. We definintely can do better!

I am eager! I know He has more in store - better things than the things sitting around me as I write this. If you've been wanting to read a book that will challenge you and you haven't read this one - pick it up and give it a try.... although your head might be spinning afterwards!

Tuesday's Review: My Crayons Talk

2011-03-22T08:30:00.003-05:00

We love children's books and I love to write reviews of our favorite books. At one point I was getting books through a program at our local state university to review books prior to them becoming available to the public. I loved it - loved writing my review and giving feedback, but along came kids and well.... Life gets busy. We have a large collection of books and read A LOT in our house. I would love to share with you some of our favorites so on occasional Tuesdays you might find a review! Yeah! I don't know why I have not done this earlier.

Today: My Crayons Talk by Patricia Hubbard. Illustrated by G. Brian Karas.

What child doesn't love to color and don't you know that there are an array of colors out there now in our crayon box to choose from. Kids and crayons go hand and hand and if you are looking for a fun way to teach your child their colors this is it, although, I have to say my big kids love reading this too. In Patricia Hubbard's book these are no ordinary crayons. Each and every crayon has a story to tell that seem to bring the kid in you alive.

Who doesn't love a big gum ball - a big purple gum ball to blow big purple bubbles! Purple Talks and it says "Yum!"

A sweet juicy orange - you're going to want summer to be here fast so you all can dive into the orangy sweetness of these pictures.

You'll find yourself dreaming about your grandma's jewlery when you were a kid and searching for the dress up clothes after you discover GOLD!

You'll consider searching for wise old hoot owls in the black of night. While your at it there will be silver marching bands and spring chicks full of yellow fluff, brown mud pies, blue skies to fly so high and pink laughs with a clown in no pants.

Not only will this book have you dreaming about the colors of your world but reading it is also a treat. You'll yack and clack, chit and chat and Talk Talk Talk. I can't get these words out fast enough when I am reading b/c my kids are dying to say them and laugh out loud at themselves when they get all tongue tied. The only request I have from this book is a Part Two. I need to imagine a turquoise sea, lime pies and all those other crazy colors just dying to get out of my crayon box!

Our colors talk - did you know? Patricia Hubbard did and this book is a go!

We love it and know you will too!

To get your own copy of My Colors Talk

The Heart of It: Communication & Connection

2011-03-16T23:25:00.000-05:00

Welcome back to the Mini Series: The Heart of It.
If you are just picking up with there are a few other posts you might want to dive into as well!

Older Child Adoption: The Heart of It
The Heart of It: Feelings
The Heart of It: Empathy

***************************

Communication: The capacity to communicate is the ability and desire to connect with others by exchanging ideas and feelings, both verbally and non-verbally. Most children learn to communicate to get a need met or to establish and maintain interaction with a loved adult. (from Zero to Three: Communication Skills).

When we first brought AJ and Selam home there was little communicating at first. That was because we didn't speak the same language. We joke about how often we used hand signals at first. We could have landed a jet in our living room at times we used so many hand signals! But this post is not about verbal communication in the sense of learning a new language. This post is about the desire within us to communicate with others on a deeper level. The desire to have a connection with others.

I love the above definition for communication by Zero to Three (the leading organization for children birth to three). Some things that stand out to me about the definition: It's the desire and ability to exchange between people. It's verbal and non-verbal. It's connecting with others! Communication in this sense is very much a matter of the heart.

Our Children: When we first came home both AJ and Selam were very distant. Selam probably more so than AJ. She was very rejectful toward us at times, pushing us away physically and screaming with horror if we got to close. My poor husband got the worst of it. The first 6 months home were loaded with rejection for him. He couldn't get within 10 feet of her or she would cry and meltdown. We walked around like we were on eggshells with her. One day the school called to tell us she was sick and needed to go home but I couldn't go and get her so he had to. Bryan would tell you that was probably one of the worst days he had with her. He said the minute she saw him she cried and he had to drag her out of the school. Selam's teachers later told me that they felt horrible for Bryan and had no idea how to help him. Selam did not want to communicate/connect with us in any way. We've had many breakthroughs with Selam but they have not come easy. We used to entice her to sit on our laps and let us hold her by offering her a small piece of candy. This quickly helped her be comfortable with sitting on my lap but not with Bryan. She would sit on his lap eat the candy and hop off as quickly as she could. We began upping the anti and she would have to sit there for longer periods of time to earn the candy. We moved into holding her rather than her just sitting there and I remember one night Bryan and her battling it out for well over an hour. She came undone but he continued to hold her. She lost it but he held on... all the while telling her she was safe, it was okay and that she could trust him. Jenna and I had to leave the room b/c they just needed to work through it. Jenna and I went into her room, turned up the radio and tried to focus on something else but could still hear it all. It almost makes me cry thinking about it. Selam's heart was hurting, my husbands heart was hurting but after a long while it began to get quiet so I turned down the radio and waited, slowly peeking out into the living room and what I found was Selam laying in my husbands arms quietly. I can't say she was pleased or completely comfortable - neither of them were but after that night the distance became smaller & their relationship changed for the better. Today I am happy to report that she leaps in Bryan's lap (without candy, LOL) and actively seeks out hugs and kisses shouting daddy as he enters the door for any of you who might be worried about us :) So what were the two of them communicating? When I look back I see a child communicating she's scared, sad, and mad. I see a father communicating I am here for you no matter what.... you can trust me. And what about others - was it like this for everyone or just us? For us it was displayed like I have described but with others around us it was displayed as indiscriminate and inappropriate affection. For those of you not familiar with these terms basically it means that they would show love to others, often over the top love to others or strangers.... sometimes even verbally telling us they would prefer someone else over us. We see less and less of these things as time goes on but it's still there lingering. Just today AJ was not happy with a direction I had given him and he immediately started showering a friend with his attention and even began hugging on this persons mother-in-law whom he had never met before. When I tried to pull him to me he almost lost control of his emotions. In general their communication is out of balance and off.

Specific to older child adoption: One of the things we have seen in our personal situation was the older child had the harder go at it. AJ does struggle but he moved into being comfortable with us at a much faster rate. With Selam affection is still awkward at times after being home a year and a half. I also believe that the older child has more memories and more experiences that must be worked through before their ability to communicate with others happens in an appropriate manner. For our older children their desire to communicate was focused on what they had just left, which was E*thiopia. Even if the situation was bad it was theirs and they had to give it up to enter into this new relationship - with really no choice in the matter. Not only was the desire not there but for most older children the ability is not there at first. Their hearts are broken. If you've read the other posts in this series you've heard me say that. That brokenness puts their ability to communicate in a regressive state.

What are we doing to be intentional in teaching communication and connection:
Initially we were a mess in this area. You can tell that by the stories above. We were not doing it well but, found little ideas through friends who had been there before with older children to push the relationship closer. It took some time before we felt like we could push the relationships further. It was not something we could have done right out of the gate.

Some "little ideas" we used include: Enticing them to sit on our laps for short periods of time with some form of treat. Slowly increasing that time in order to earn the reward. When they will allow you to finally hold them in your lap for a while focus on spending time doing that each day, or rocking each day if they will let you. Let them face away from you at first gradually working to turn them to you if possible over time. Establish a bedtime routine such as bath, lotioning them down, reading and praying together at night. Doing it each night - the same way. At bath time sitting with them and helping them through the bath. Even though they are older providing these times as you would a small child helps establish connection. The power of touch is a maraculous thing and while our kids were shy in letting us rock them and hold them then, this ritual at bath time was something they were more comfortable with. We assume because it was caretaking for them. Play peek a boo games. Again this seems very babyish for older children but this literally taught our children how to look in our eyes. If you want more ideas on initial bonding games please feel free to email me.

Other thoughts

PLAY PLAY PLAY!!! Close friends hear me say this a lot but PLAY is a major key in seeing our kids whom we have adopted be able to let go and relax into our lives, into their new world and begin to trust. Their need to hold on to their past falls to the wayside and allows them to fully engage in what we are doing. The hurts do not seem to bind them when we are in that play mode. Check out this post to get a real glimpse into what I mean about play.

SETTING ASIDE OUR PRIDE. This is a hard one. I still have to do this on a regular basis. I told someone just today that when we started out this journey we simply wanted to add another child to our family. What ended up happening was the Lord asking us to do something for him and dumping what we really wanted. Now with that said he is joining us together as a family (our hearts desire) and we have the AMAZING blessing of two children rather than one but on those days that AJ and Selam want to regress... want to live in the past I have to be willing to let my frustrations go, acknowledge it and embrace it. If I want them to fully connect and communicate with me as my defintion above says then I have to be willing to help them work through their thoughts and feelings so they are healthier emotionally. Some days to be real honest I don't want to talk about Ethiopia anymore. I don't want to hear Selam say she wants her birth mom. My pride says I want her to say she wants me - but this journey is not about me. It started out being about me but it's about two children whom God asked me to care for and provide for and my needs come second. Pride.... it's a painful reality in this journey but it has to be set aside if your kids are going to connect with you.

GIVING IT TIME & PRAYER: Progess takes time in this area. That desire and ability in our kids for commuication and connection has to heal and grow. That does not happen over night. Be sure to cut yourself some slack, your kids some slack and know that tomorrow is a new day. Pray over your kids, pray with your kids. At night Selam is eager to pray. She waits eagerly to hear what I will pray for. I pray that her birth mom is taken care of and safe, I pray that Selam's sadness for her fades and that somehow her birth mom knows Selam is safe and happy, I pray that God helps us become a family. You should see what that does for her and I! It's amazing. Let your kids here you pray for those they miss and your desire for them and how much you love them.

Resources:

www.playfulparenting.com

Be Blessed,

Where are We!

2011-03-12T16:34:00.000-06:00

Wow - time goes by soooo fast. I can't believe I have not updated the blog in almost a month. My plate has been full since all the snow days. I have been trying to play catch up on so many things. You would think one would get a lot accomplished with being at home so many days but the truth is while I was at home it was all piling up at the office! Yikes. This Friday was the first day since all the snow that I left my desk feeling like it was under some kind of control. Being a working mom is exhausting at times but I am thankful God is using me the way he is.

So, for those of you who follow the blog - we've not fallen off the face of the earth but have been a little distracted. I do have another post in the works for "The Heart Of It" series. Plans are for it to out this week sometime so check back soon.

Be Blessed,

Adoption and School - Calling all Adoption Families

2011-02-16T18:48:00.001-06:00

Hey my fellow adoption families! I need your help!!

I have an amazing opportunity laid in front of me and I am really excited about it. I got asked to speak at a conference for teachers (early childhood and elementary) about international adoption. They want me to talk about things like how international adoption might effect classrooms, what these students need and how the teachers can help children and families like us! I definitely have my own ideas about what I want to talk to them about but each of us have our own walk - our own story. Even though we share common issues b/c of international adoption we all have special issues we have encountered. I don't want to miss anything or leave anything out so..... I am asking that you all tell me what's important to you, what has your child struggled with or wish your teachers would have done/would not have done? I would love feedback by the end of February. I know this isn't something everyone would like to lay out in the comments section so feel free to email me your comments and thoughts. And, if you have a little one that's been in child care feel free to send me your comments as well! Feeling so blessed to have this opportunity and I can't wait to advocate on behalf of all of us!

Happy 5th AJ!

2011-02-12T17:51:00.000-06:00

AJ you are 5! Where has the time gone. We have had the chance to celebrate two birthdays with you. It seemed like yesterday that you entered into our family. I have watched you grow at super speed over the past year and a half.

One of our first photos of you!

You were so tiny then. A size two when we brought you home and now moving into a size 6! Seriously if people would not have been so generous in sharing boy clothes with us we would have spent enough on your wardrobe alone to have clothed all of us you grew so fast. I would like to think it might slow down now but I am not sure. I have a feeling that by 5th grade I might just be looking up at you!

Another fun photo of you when we first came home. So tiny!

You have brought a whole new life to our house - the first boy. Daddy and I didn't even get a chance to ease into it. You came in raring to go and you are still keeping us on our toes. I have fun with the girls but there is something about having fun with you. You are daring and willing to try all kinds of things.. in fact I have said to daddy that our main goal I think is going to be simply keeping you alive. Someone says jump and I know you are going to give it a try!

Excuse me! Please get down before you take a tumble face first into the driveway!!

You push the buttons too like no one's business. My parenting skills have been put to the test with you. I've had to learn so many new tricks just to stay one step ahead of you. Some days I go to bed so exhausted and wonder what you might try to get into tomorrow...... Sometimes bedtime finds you early because I've run out of patience :)

I know what you're thinking - but look at me I'm so cute - how could I ever push a button :)

But even on those trying days I still see all the ways we are soooo blessed. You give AMAZING hugs, come leaping into my lap at the first sign of me sitting down, you're the first one to ask if you can help, you love to snuggle, and you say the sweetest prayers. You are so smart too AJ! I am amazed at how quickly you have learned English, and how much you have learned since starting preschool last fall. Your memory is almost sometimes tooooo goooood!

You thinking you are going to throw a snowball at me last week - you better not!

This is you ignoring me and doing it anyway! But oh the fun b/c it lead to us all chasing you through the front yard and nailing you with snowballs!

Some days I am sad for you because I know that you left a whole life to come and be part of ours. I wonder how your birth family felt about you - did they get all the love dovey hugs we receive - did you push their buttons as much as you push ours, did you bring to them the life that you bring to our house. I wish I knew those answers and I wish I could tell them how well you are doing. All I know is that you needed someone and God asked me to be that someone. I am so thankful it was me! You fit perfectly into our family and I love you more and more with each passing day, each passing hug or "I lub you mom!" Even with each passing snowball you throw at me after I have already told you not to do it :)

Happy 5th birthday AJ! I really love you!

Two Photos - Two Years Ago

2011-02-10T09:00:00.003-06:00

Two years ago today we saw these precious photos on our computer screen!

I can't believe it's been two years since the day we got "The Call." I can't believe how they have changed - how we all have changed. I went back and read my post about that day - so much fun to remember and so good to remind myself of the joy we felt.

Rejoicing in the blessing of my children!
All Three of Them!!!

Had to put up a pic from summer b/c we are tired of winter :)

The Heart of It: Empathy

2011-02-09T08:13:00.000-06:00

If you have been reading along you know The Heart of It is a little mini series of posts I have been compiling regarding older child adoption and what we see, or don't see, in terms of emotions/feelings in our children. This is part three of the series. If you would like to start from the beginning go back and read through these two posts:

Older Child Adoption: The Heart of It

The Heart of It: Feelings

Now to post #3

Empathy - the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of another (adapted from Merriam Webster online).

When Jenna (our biological daughter) was about three I remember her becoming very aware of other's feelings. If we stubbed our toe she would rush over and try to make us feel better - trying to imitate how we would try to make her feel better when she was hurt or sad. The seeds for empathy were planted in Jenna before that by us responding to her needs and cries and responding to her with our actions and words when she needed us as an infant and young toddler. This is what those of us in the Child Development field call "Typical Development." Areas of development that happen within a certain time frame for typically all children who have not had any thing happen to them which might cause a delay. That any one thing that might cause delay can be physical or emotional. In our case we have two children who have had several things happen or not happen to cause a delay in emotional development.

Our Children: Over the past 6 months we have really gained an awareness that AJ and Selam (our adopted children) have little to no empathy skills. Because of their life circumstances before they came to be part of our family they were too worried about their basic needs, as well as, didn't have regular caregivers to respond to them when needed to really develop some of those important social skills such as empathy. They had learned to ignore their own needs - therefore that milestone of developing empathy totally passed over them and they are without that skill.

This lack of empathy causes many issues for them and their communication between others. I find that they struggle at times to make friends (doing things that others don't like), frustrate others with their inappropriate show of feelings (ex: laughing when they have hurt someone), and exhibit nervous behaviors/lack of confidence (ex: wringing hands, pulling at clothes) when they are unsure of how to interact with others. They simply can not gauge how others are feeling.

Specific to Older Child Adoption: Remember above I said that typical development happens when "things" do not get in the way but for children who have been adopted at a later age there are many "things" that have gotten in the way. Example: All children who have been adopted have lost a loved one and an environment (as good or bad as it was it was theirs). Older children who have been adopted have a knowledge of that loss immediately. While I believe infants experience some sort of loss and grief at first their feelings are not fully developed and parents are rushing in to meet their needs. Bonds begin to form immediately even though an infant has lost.For those of you who have adopted infants you'll deal with this later. The good news for you is that you will have strong bonds formed before you have to deal with it on such a deep level. For older children we have to break through a wall before we can even begin to mend feelings and shape them. Grief can take months to work through - years to work through, and grief is just one example of the "things" that can hinder development such as empathy in our children. So what's a parent to do when they have adopted an older child? The answer is for us that we mend and shape all at the same time, as difficult as that may be. Grief - we mend, Empathy - we shape!

Empathy is largely a learned skill which is good news for those of us who are parenting children who lack it. While some children have a temperament that naturally cares for others and things, having a deeper sense of Empathy, the truth is all of us have the opportunity to gain this skill if someone else helps us develop it.

What are we doing to be intentional about learning Empathy: Now that our eyes have been opened to this skill that is lacking we have been trying to intentionally teach it. The way that we do that is by trying to find opportunities to allow our kids to care, even verbally cuing them to do so. Let me share some examples with you....

1. Guiding them through responses: AJ and I were laying in his bed one evening reading a book. AJ got a little excited about the book and pulled his arm up bumping me in the cheek. While my cheek was not hurt I took the opportunity to practice showing Empathy by acting as if I was hurt. I allowed my face to become sad, touched my cheek and and said, "oh, that hurt." AJ's reaction was inappropriate at first. He laughed and even made fun of my sad voice. I again touched my cheek, put on my sad face and said, "no AJ that really hurt." We did this about 4 times with each time me getting a little more pathetic. Let me just stop and say we have a saying in our house and it is this: Fake it until you make it! Oh and thanks to my wonderful friend Sherry for introducing us to that phrase. Yes I was faking it, overdoing it, almost to the point that I felt silly but it takes this at times for us all be at a place we need to be. So back to AJ and I. After the 4th time AJ stopped and got this look on his face of concern then said he was sorry. I told him I was glad he was sorry but continued to ham it up holding my cheek. He leaned in closer as if he needed to see my cheek and then touched it and said again he was sorry. I slowly put on a happy face and told him thank you for saying sorry and that my cheek was feeling better. He smiled and we snuggled in to finish the rest of the book together.

2. Providing "rushing attention": When Jenna was little and learning to walk - as any toddler she would fall over, bonk her head and we would rush to her aid. Sweeping her up, kissing her boo-boos and showering her with love. Recently we were getting into the truck and when Selam went to get in, her leg slipped and she scraped her shin. She started to cry but was working hard to hold it back (very typical for a kiddo who has had to take care of their own hurts way too long). While she was not asking for my help I came to her aid, getting down on her level, looking at it, giving a sad face and with a sad voice saying how sorry I was. I swooped her up and gently met her need with a band-aid, etc. Then gave her a big smooch and told her how sorry I was she hurt her leg. It's a little over dramatic and silly (faking it 'till we make it) when we rush in quickly but we're going back and providing them with the feeling that they can count on us and we'll meet their needs.

3. Learning to recognize feelings: We try to take as many opportunities to talk about what someone might be feeling. If we are watching something on TV or reading a book and it can be worked in we say things like:

How do you think they feel
What if that happened to you
I would feel/do... then name an appropriate feeling/response to what happened.

We're not necessarily doing this every moment of the day but when we have the opportunity and the time we discuss these kinds of questions to things we see, hear and do. I think it's also important for us to model the appropriate response. While AJ and Selam might be responding they're not responding always in the appropriate way as you saw above in my example with AJ. That's not happening b/c they are bad kids - it's happening b/c they don't have the skills yet for it to become a natural reaction. BTW - If you read the post on feelings that I mentioned above you will find much more info on feelings :)

We were recently at a family dinner and I was in the kitchen. I hurt my finger and AJ was close by playing with a toy. Without anyone else cuing him to notice my feelings he caught it on his own. He got up, rushed over and wanted to see my finger. Then with a sad voice said he was sorry I hurt it and kissed it. Whoop Whoop that's progress!

We still have a ways to go with both of them but if we don't get intentional about developing Empathy we will be reacting to some big struggles in our kids later on down the road. It's hard to mend and shape at the same time but our kids deserve to have someone who is willing to do it. That someone is me! They are counting on me. Other older children waiting to be adopted deserve to have someone who will mend and shape at the same time. If you are considering adopting I wonder..... is that you?
Resources:

Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning
This is an amazing resource - I use this information regularly at home and in my work! This is the link to the family section but there are also great tools you could use in the teachers/caregivers section.
Challenging Behaviors
Another amazing resource that I use regularly. Again this is the link to the parents piece of the website but also great resources in teachers/caregivers. Both of these sites/groups are doing wonderful things to raise awareness of the social development that needs to happen in our children and that has often been neglected.

Other Resources
Developing Empathy in Families
How Children Develop Empathy
Raising Children who Care

Be Blessed,

10 Things

2011-02-06T21:10:00.000-06:00

I seriously have the winter blahs going on. I am ready for warmer weather, ready for this snow to be gone, ready to open my windows and let my house air out, ready to stop wearing a coat and gloves. Blah Blah Blah.....

I need a pick me up so here I go - gonna list 10 things I love right now so I focus on something other than these winter blahs

1. My husband who is sitting next to me glued to the TV b/c he's watching the Super Bowl - he fed the kids breakfast and he kept the kiddos nice and quiet and occupied while I took a nap today since I wasn't feeling so hot. He's so good at acts of service and I love it! Sometimes I forget how good he is at things like that.

2. A little freckled nose squirt who we call J that is snuggling next to me right at this moment with her night night and pink spongebob jammies on

3. A yellow cotton quilt that's keeping me warm while I am writing this post. I just love a cotton quilt

4. Two little brown skinned babes who wanted to snuggle A LOT tonight. So thankful that they like to be lovey dovey - God knew they would have to be to fit in this family

5. Orange passion green tea - yum!

Wow this is hard... see when you have the winter blah's this is not an easy task .... okay back to it

6. Glee! New episode after the game :)

7. This series on the Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson

8. Gain fabric softener (liquid) - was an accidental buy, thought I was getting laundry soap but was chasing a little boy and grabbing items at the same time in Sams. Got home and realized picked up the wrong thing, however, every single one of us are loving the way it makes our clothes smell.

9. The Armor of God mini series that our pastor has been preaching on over the past few weeks. AMAZING and doing wonders for my heart. Check it out here. Podcasts #1, #2, #3, #5, and #7

10. Netflix - we just recently discovered this little treasure. Not sure what took us so long but we've been won over for sure. I personally have enjoyed the documentary section and thinking I will move on to the foreign films section next.

Okay there you go - ten things I love at this moment. It does my heart good to think of the things I enjoy and love when I have the blahs. Helps me remember life isn't that bad and is filled with wonderful treasures (big and small).

Be Blessed this week!
Kim

The Heart Of It: Feelings

2011-02-03T09:00:00.003-06:00

If you are wondering about the title of this post check out "Older Child Adoption: The Heart of It." This is a little mini series (if you will) of posts related to some areas we find that our children who we have adopted are lacking in. I call them areas of the heart because I believe that they come about from a lack of nurturing emotionally, the losses they have experienced, and the general stressors they have had to deal with because of life situations. Those stressors, experiences and losses have created walls and voids and truthfully their little hearts are broken. Thankfully God is in the business of healing the broken hearted!

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

This is the first of the series so let's jump on in!

Feelings: They develop over time just as walking and talking yet we often don't even realize it's happening. Social and Emotional development is often the least on our minds until they reach school age and we wonder if they can make it on their own with other kids. We're consumed with their first word, their first steps, their first solid food and first smile. Rarely are we saying things like, "oh their first happy, or sad, or frustration." The truth is through research we know that emotions/feelings develop just like motor skills. A little bit here and a little bit there and if no one stands above us holding our hands as we tip toe along (you momma's who've had babies know what I'm talking about) then it's difficult for us to stand upright and take a few steps at first. If someone isn't intentionally meeting social and emotional needs in children feelings/emotions get put on a back burner and not learned appropriately. Do I think that children naturally develop feelings/emotions? Yes, I think they do - some.... but I truly believe that life circumstance and the lack of adults who meet social and emotional needs can hinder the development of feelings and emotions.

Our children: Let me tell you a little about AJ and Selam. We brought them home in Aug of 2009. AJ was 3 1/2 and Selam was 5 and they are not related by birth. While I will not share their stories (they are theirs to tell when they wish) I will tell you they were both in situations where their basic needs were not being met. Their worries were geared toward what would I eat today or will I be able to eat today not am I happy. Both of them are very happy at times and very sad at times so they are not emotionless, but rarely can either of them talk about feelings, describe feelings or vocalize their feelings. This causes a great deal of trouble in our house. Because they can't understand feelings of their own they don't understand the feelings of others. If I ask them how someone might feel about something they can't describe it and are at a loss for words.

Specific to older child adoption: Research tells us that the first 5 years of brain development - even the first 3 years are the most important. So what's a parent to do when they accept a child into their lives that is beyond that. So many things have already been established in older children. Their personalities, their coping skills, and their ability to love just to name a few. The good news for those of us who have adopted older children is that we can go back re-train. I don't have all the answers because we have just begun this re-training phase but the possibility of being able to retrain my children to recognize their feelings and the feelings of others gives me great hope. Recently I was going back and reading through one of my friends blogs (Missional Momma) and she had this great little post about being intentional. We have to be intentional with our older children whom we've adopted. We should be intentional with all our children but when our kids need this type of re-training it's all the more urgent.

What are we doing to be intentional with Feelings:

1. We have purchased the When I'm Feeling series of books by author Trace Moroney. There are 8 books: Happy, Sad, Scared, Jealous, Angry, Lonely, Loved, and Kind. The books all have this amazing little bunny who gets to experience the feelings. He is so cute and sweet and brings a smile to my kids face each time we open them. The books focus on describing the feelings and learning appropriate ways to demostrate the feelings.

Here's a little snippet from When I Feel Sad. "When I'm feeling sad I feel like someone has taken all the colors away and everything is grey and gloomy and droopy. When I'm feeling sad I feel like I could cry... and cry...and cry soo much that I make a flood."

These books are always out and get read over and over. We sometimes even try to make our faces represent how the book describes. Imagine all of us with droopy faces :) In the back cover of each book you can find specific ideas for parents on how to use the book. We have great conversations about our own lives and feelings through these books and for my children who had lives they have lost it's helped us to begin the journey of healing. The Lonely book has been amazing for Selam as she has days that she truly misses life in E*thiopia. If you would like to purchase a set of the books for yourself you can order them directly from the publisher at www.fivemile.com/au You are definately going to want these jewels in your children's library!

A few other children's books on feelings:
The Story of My Feelings
The Way I Feel
The Feelings Book
When Sophie Gets Angry - Really Really Angry
Lots of Feelings

2. We are describing feelings. Sounds simple but not always an easy task. If they do something we like we talk about how that makes us feel, if they do something wrong we talk about that too. If someone else does something we wonder about their feeling and make predictions on how we think they are feeling. If we are contemplating doing something we ask the question of how it might make us feel or make other's feel before we do it. Just as we described everything to help them learn English we are describing our emotions to help them gain an understanding of the feeling. Intentional!

3. We are asking regularly, "how do you feel?" Not only do we want to teach AJ and Selam about the feeling but we want them to recognize it in themselves. Remember I said that they can't tell us how they feel when asked. They freeze up. I believe that happens for a variety of reasons. One of them because they have not been able to understand the feeling but also because they haven't felt safe enough to express their feelings. We are obviously giving them a safe and loving home but our older adopted kiddos struggle with wanting to over please us. While they miss their home in E*thiopia they like it here and don't want to risk leaving or moving on to somewhere else. They want to give us the answer they think we want to hear rather than give us their true answer. We often have to tell them it's okay to have their opinion or own thought, their own feeling. We still get the blank stare - the one that says, "are you going to love me even if I tell you the truth." One might think that they would be settled in that after a year and a half but it was only a few weeks ago that we were still discussing that they would be with us forever and what that meant. Sharing your feelings is risky and requires a lot of trust.

I can't tell you how excited I am that we are coming to this place. I remember when we first brought AJ and Selam home table manners almost did us in. We set our minds to it and resolved to change it - to retrain and be intentional about table manners and today our dinner table is calm and peaceful (well as peaceful as it can be with three kids under the age of 7). In fact, we were out to dinner last weekend and a man come up to us and quietly whispered what a nice family we had. Yahoo! Progress people!! If we can make progress with table manners we can surely make progress with feelings.

Lastly, I just want to say that I believe these "Matters of the Heart" are important because God plucked my children out of the pit and has a plan for them. He has a plan for all of us. He wants us to care for his people - to be his hands and feet in a hurting world. If we can't help our kids move through these matters of the heart then he is limited in how he can use them. We are only victims in this world if we allow ourselves to be. We all have baggage and hurt - the good news is that his mercies can cover it. It can cover my parenting skills when I am limited in knowing what to do, it can cover my children as they re-learn these matters, and it can cover you too as you embark on whatever journey you are on.

Be Blessed!

Goolash

2011-02-02T10:06:00.000-06:00

When you are snowed in b/c of a blizzard you gotta have comfort food. I have been waiting for just the right time to give this a try. My grandmother used to make it when I was little and I remember loving it as a kid. I've tried a variety of recipes and not found one that really tastes as good as it did - or at least that I remember. This one was pretty good and liked by all so I thought I would share. Thanks Heather for sharing your aunts recipe with me!

1 box shell noodles
1 lb ground beef (you could probably use turkey too)
1 Lg can tomato juice
2 Tbsp sugar
Salt/Pepper to taste
2 Tbsp Chili Sauce (I added this one, you can find it in the condiments isle. You could also add more than what I did to lesson the tomato flavor).
Optional, but makes it all the more yummy! - shredded cheese and crackers

Brown ground beef and boil noodles.

Drain both.

Mix together then add tomato juice, sugar and chili sauce (if you use it).

Simmer for at least 20 minutes. Top with Shredded Cheese and crunched crackers.

Enjoy!

Older Child Adoption - The Heart Of It

2011-02-01T10:02:00.000-06:00

Now that we have been home for about a year and a half with AJ and Selam we are definitely out of the fog but still working through some difficult things. I would imagine we will always be working through something but with each passing day we gain some new skills and the "things" we work through seem to pass quicker because of the new skills. Language is a great example: the more AJ and Selam have learned the more we can verbally walk through the issues we face with them. Some days when I look back at our first 6 months home I wonder how on earth we all made it through because there was no explaining anything to anyone. Let me also say that AJ and Selam are not the only ones in this house gaining new skills. Jenna (our bio daughter) was an only child for six years. Sharing, making room for others, cooperation... all new skills she had to obtain. Bryan and I have also had to gain new skills. I can't speak for someone who brought an infant home or a small toddler but I have had to gain new parenting skills because we are caring for children we don't know and who are very resistant to us at times. My feelings are growing for them but are limited to this day. We are obviously getting to know each other after a year and a half - but when you are trying to parent a child who is already their own person with thoughts, feelings, ideas and hurts and little to no relationship between you it takes a whole new set of skills.

Bryan, myself and Jenna have all moved into those new skills much easier than AJ and Selam and I truly believe it has to do with the the heart. Because of my background in Early Childhood Education I know that certain emotions, feelings, skills all develop as the brain grows. Through research we also know that when children are too worried about the basic necessities of life (eating, sleeping, stability in day to day life) they grow without developing some of the basic feelings and emotions that children without those worries obtain naturally. Jenna has been able to quickly move through compromise because her basic needs in life have been met. She knows that if she gives something up she will still have what she needs to survive.

So where does that leave children who have not had their needs met? Well, in AJ and Selam struggle to grasp concepts of the heart. Their reactions often end up on the side of flight rather than fight. Just this morning Selam and Jenna were playing barbies together with the barbie house. There are plenty of items to go around. Jenna wanted it one way and Selam wanted it another. I gave them the chance to try and work it out but they couldn't. I began to try and facilitate ways they could do it differently and Jenna began throwing out ideas, making suggestions. She got excited about the possibilities she and Selam had together. Selam on the other hand went into this blank stare, she quit talking, and acted as if she didn't hear a word we were saying. FLIGHT! She can't do it - she can't make her little brain focus on coming to a compromise because she is still trying to figure out who we are - if she can trust us.

As I mentioned earlier the fog has lifted for us and we can finally see where AJ and Selam are lacking. We can finally start to see what skills/emotions they missed because so far their lives have been full of uncertainty and unrest. This is sad on one hand but great on the other. Skills of the Heart can be learned! Now that we are under some control we have been able to pinpoint those skills and are beginning to tackle them.

Over the next few posts I am going to be writing about those Heart Skills that we notice are missing and some of the things we are intentionally doing to help AJ and Selam learn them. I hope that those of you who come behind us find it helpful at some point along the way.

Stay tuned for The Heart of It: Feelings, Empathy, Compromise, Friendship and who knows.... maybe more should they arise.

Be blessed,

Warm Day in January

2011-01-29T20:20:00.001-06:00

Blessed with an amazing warm day in January so we made the best of it. Went to the Springfield Nature Center. Just a few pics for you to enjoy.

Looking for shells along the riverbank

Mr Cutie Patootie

Sweet S!

Enjoying her stroll along the bank

Learning to skip rocks

Sisters

Family Photo - no one ever looks the same direction but oh well.

Thankful for such an amazing day to be outside.

Hope you had a blessed day as well,

Snow Day

2011-01-28T23:01:00.000-06:00

Last week we had a snow day and I am just now getting some fun pictures up - always playing catch up with kids and being a working mom. That's okay though - means life is full and fun! Enjoy.

J getting ready to make a snow angel

The slide was pretty slick with the snow on it - but that made it all the more fun for A and J

S trying to sneak up on the other two with a snowball in her hand

Look at those eyelashes - love that the snow was stuck to them!

Starting to get cold - brrr

Eating some snow - loved this face on J. I looked at her and all the sudden saw a 9 month old that I once held in my arms. If you're a momma you know what I mean. Then found myself sad b/c I began to wonder what my other two looked like at 9 months old. Maybe when they are older I will have the opportunity to look back and see that 6 year old face I once knew :)

This is A getting dog piled in the snow. He had been chasing the girls and they had finally had it. S is getting way too much enjoyment out of rubbing his face in the snow, LOL. A didn't chase anyone after that!

This is the pile of laundry after our morning in the snow - another joy of 3 kids :)

After playing in the snow we all came in and huddled under a blanket in front of the fire while drinking hot chocolate. After everyone was warm and had their bellies full with lunch we made these crazy crafts.

They were supposed to be butterflies but I am not sure I would quite call them that. Whatever they are the kids had a blast working on them much of the afternoon. Just in case you would like to make them with your kiddies here is the link where I found them.

Hope you are enjoying your Winter!

Be Blessed,

Learning the books of the bible

2011-01-07T16:23:00.000-06:00

We're taking on scripture memorization in our house as the new year rolls around. As my kids get older I find that there is something inside of me that says hide God's word away in their hearts - I struggled as a teenager so much. There was little to no truth hidden away in my heart and the pressures of friends really did me in as I got older. From late elementary all the way through high school I struggled with self-esteem and was so hard on myself. I look back now and think that part of life was a breeze but when you are there it seems so rough at times doesn't it. I don't want the kids to experience that part of life as I did. I don't want them to have that constant struggle of "who am I" and "what is my worth based on" as a teenager. I know it's unrealistic for me to think they wont question those things but if they grow up believing they are wonderfully created by God - no one else like them and they hide God's promises in their hearts, his wisdom in their hearts then maybe... just maybe they can be at a much healthier place during those years than I was and really walk in the direction God has from them from the start rather than playing catch up like I have had to do. With that said we are taking on memorization. I have to tell you it's a struggle for me b/c I don't memorize things well. I have to put hours into memorization. I was that kid that took Chemistry and barely made it through with a D b/c the table of elements just about killed me. But we will not let that stop us b/c God uses ordinary people in their weakness!

Our first goal - learning the books of the bible. I happened across this great little song and the kids are loving it. We play it over and over. We've also printed off the books and the kids are taking on 5 at a time but I expect with the song we might be able to get it a little sooner.

Books of the bible song

If you want to go to the website where I found the video the link is above. Just thought I would share in case your kids might like.

Enjoy,

16 1/2 Months Home

2011-01-03T20:55:00.000-06:00

As the new year is upon us it has me thinking a lot about the place we currently are at in our lives. I can't believe we are getting close to being at home with the kids for almost a year and a half. We waited so long for them. Had so many roadblocks in just the determination of what child God would want for us, and then discovered the faces of two children rather than one. Once their sweet faces became known we walked many months of heartache regarding court to finally bring them home 3 years after we began the process of adoption. We thought it would drag out forever yet here we are almost half way through that mark now but on the other side.

I look back at those first few months... really the first nine months.... and I wonder how on earth we ever made it through that. All the crying on everyone's part (including my own), the language barriers, the fear and frustration, the grieving we all did. I am completely surprised none of us ended up on medication to tell you the truth. It's funny ... I took so many pictures of us at that time of homecoming and they all were similar to this one.

I truly love it - my kids love it too! Just to tell you about the pic we had only been home a few weeks and tried to go to the park for some fresh air and a break from the house. Jenna hated every bit of of anything we tried to do together as you can see by the look on her face... Selam cried over everything and in this pic AJ had just torn her leaf she was holding. Nothing was making her happy at that point and AJ, well the look of wild uncertainty in his eyes tells all! We laugh at the pic now and talk about how it was when we first came home and just acknowledge that it was hard for all of us. To hear Selam express how scared she was or Jenna to talk about how mad she was is an amazing move forward. We all had so many emotions and really were unable to verbally express any of them including Bryan and I.

Each day gets better and each day brings new struggles. My parenting skills have been put to the test and many days I have failed terribly. In fact this morning as we all enjoyed our last day of Christmas vacation together I said to the kids, "You all are being so good today!" To which a reply came from Selam, "Yeah and you haven't even yelled at us today!" LOL! Thanks for the encouragement my sweet S! I know I am a good parent but there have been many days I think.... "Man I blew this one!" Then the same sweet S brings me a drawing she did of me and written next to it says "the best mom ever." Okay so maybe I don't blow it that often!

As I've thought about where we are the new year also makes me think about where I want us to go. I love AJ and Selam and am super blessed and thankful that they are part of our family now, but there is more to do..... more ways for us to grow as a family. I know that they are meant to be part of our family. God placed them here but there is still distance for us all. Walls come up at times that I wish would not... and not just for AJ and Selam but for each one of us in this house. This new year I want us to grow closer...I want the feelings I have for AJ and Selam to grow deeper and I want the hurts they feel from their losses to heal. Attachment and older children is a slow go for all parties involved. When I look at how far we have come in 16 1/2 months I am sitting here with excitement and expectation and I think about where we will be 16 1/2 months from now. At that time AJ will have been with us longer than any other adult in his life. Can you imagine? I truly wait in expectation to see how that changes him. We will have been his primary influence. And Selam... while she will not be in that place yet I hope that she will have gotten farther along in her ability to trust and let the walls come down. Maybe we will be at a place where we don't have to say, "you're here forever" when that fearful look comes across her face as if she's afraid we'll send her back or away. Then there is Jenna of course. I couldn't forget her. She has been amazing with AJ and Selam. Last year at this time she was finally up for sharing her room and things with Selam and this year is trying hard to see them as a sibling. Although there are days that she struggles with all the noise and craziness. We were a quiet family... really quiet before AJ and Selam. Hopefully in 16 1/2 more months the noise level coming from AJ and Selam... well mostly AJ will continue to come down while our tolerance of it goes up (haha). Jenna and I have been trying to spend more time alone where she can verbally express her feelings and I hope that our talks move her beyond frustration and into compassion.

16 1/2 months where did you go - my how we've grown!

Organized in the New Year

2011-01-02T19:15:00.000-06:00

We recently had a friend come to our house and ask me about some things I had up for the kids in terms of organization so I thought I would bring back a couple of old posts I did last year on the things we implemented in terms of organization. I have to say we still use all of them and they work like a charm!

So enjoy and use any or all for yourself! Just click on the links below to be directed to the posts.

Managing Everyday Life with Kids - Organization Tips

Taming the Laundry Monster!

It's not you .... it's me.

2010-12-29T21:04:00.000-06:00

Caution! You are about to witness a confession and one that I am not happy to admit but must in order to move through to the other side.

Over the past 8 months my life has not been what it should be. My work life has been in constant motion, constant change, constant crisis. I've been tired, sick of it and retreating. Because of that retreating our life is in survival mode and joy .... well I like to think it's there but it's taken a back seat. I am too tired mentally and physically to give those people and things that matter my all. I have allowed myself to be a victim without even realizing it which is really not like me. I come home, function to the extent that's needed then retreat either into the television or the computer - or maybe early bed time. Maybe if I ignore it ... well it will all just go away. It's you. It's everything else right?

Oh so wrong... Here's the confession. It's me. I am the only one who has control over myself, my thoughts, my actions. I am the only one who allows others to run me down. I am the only one who stops drinking from the well and falls weak. It's not you... It's me. Yes my work is ridiculously crazy and uncertain, yes I went from one to three children, yes yes yes... but those are all just excuses.

I thought I was the daughter of the most high? I thought I had access to living water? I thought I had certainty that with Him all things are possible? Oh yeah, I do... It's just me. I seemed to have forgotten that somehow.

Well, as usual He has been tugging at my heart. Trying to tell me to get my act together. To tap into Him so that the craziness of this world can have no harm on me and I can live out the life he wants me to have. It's not you... It's me.

Tonight I ran across a video that tore my heart in two. It made me realize he set me on a journey and I need to keep to it. A journey I have gotten off of and allowed my selfishness, my wants to take priority over. It's not you... it's me. It's not my work... It's me. It's not my kids... It's me.

Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance. I Peter 1: 13-14

How is it that it's so easy for me to sink back into the thoughts, the actions of what I was before I so deeply loved Jesus? Don't get me wrong I am not doing horrible things but they're things none the less. Sin is sin... is it not? Not giving my family the attention they deserve. Not spending enough time with friends who need me and could use my support. Not considering the needs of others before my own. Holding anger against those who sin against me.

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.

Ephesians 5:8

Going to spending the next few days pouring over the word, coming out of this fog and walking in the light again!

A very special gift under the tree!

2010-12-23T10:52:00.000-06:00

While Christmas is about many things.... beautifully decorated trees, presents, family time, yummy meals, home made candies.... there is something much more important and as my kids get older I want our focus to be more on the real reason... God coming to earth - heaven's first born who would ultimately save us through the cross. He gave an amazing gift to us by gracing us with his presence. I want my kids to understand that. I want to them to want to give back to Jesus b/c of that by ultimately living their lives for him. With that said.... there is a very special present under our tree.

The present if for Jesus and has a little slit in the top of it. This year each of us are going to pray about and consider what gift we want to give Jesus this year then write or draw it out on paper and slip it into the present. We're not talking about material things though... we're talking about our relationship with him. What he wants most from us is relationship so I have challenged everyone in the house (including myself) to come up with one way, one thing about our lives to give to the one who gave the most amazing gift - eternal life. We've had some good discussion about spending time in his word, more time in prayer, helping others more. All gifts for Jesus have to be in the box by the time everyone goes to bed on Christmas Eve then on Christmas morning before we open any other gifts we'll be opening the present for Jesus and discovering all the great things we are going to give him over the next year. I can't wait!

Cranberry Salsa

2010-12-21T21:34:00.000-06:00

So we have a new favorite in our house! If you are looking for the perfect holiday snack you have to try. By the way I should give credit.... this recipe was recently given to me by my co-worker who brought it to our Christmas party - yum! Even my kids like it.

1 Bag (12 oz) fresh cranberries
1 Granny Smith Apple (peeled, cored and cut into chunks)
1/2 Lg Red Pepper (cut into chunks)
1/2 Med Red Onion (cut into chunks)
3/4 C. Sugar
1/3 C. Apple Juice
3 T. Chopped fresh cilantro
2 T. Chopped pickled jalapeno peppers
1 Tsp. Lime Zest

Put cranberries, apple, red pepper and onion in food processor. Pulse until chopped. Transfer to a large bowl and stir in remaining ingredients until blended. Cover and Refrigerate for at least 3-4 hours or overnight. The flavor and colors will get richer as it sits.

Serve with tortilla chips. Also good served over the top of cream cheese.

Enjoy!

We're still here

2010-12-16T20:29:00.000-06:00

Wow, it seems that my posts are very few and far between. Just wanted you all to know that we are still here but have had a lot on our plate. We've been working through some things in our house that I want to share at some point but I just need to find the right words so that it's an encouragement to others. With that said come back sometime soon.

Until then..... Be Blessed!
Kim

Playing Catch Up! October and November

2010-11-22T15:00:00.001-06:00

Well, it's been a while since I have posted on what we have been doing and how life is going. Just a little picture fun for recap.

October we visited the pumpkin patch with our adoption friends. We always love getting together with those who are like us. I find it's the only time we don't have someone staring at us b/c well - we just look like the others :)

Last year we had only been home a few months at Halloween time and to be honest we skipped a few of the fun things - we were barely surviving, LOL. So this was the first time they got to dig in a pumpkin at home and make a jack-o-lantern.

Selam exited out of the ESL program. I was totally surprised that we would be at this place. We were hoping for December to be when she would exit and expected to hear her 1st grade teacher and ESL teacher tell us she needed to be in the program a little longer. What we heard was how great she was doing and that she was one of the top in her class - even over the kids who had known English all their lives. They told us we could stay but that she was ready. So we went with sad hearts. I didn't expect it to be so hard to leave East Elementary. But... the staff are amazing and they cared for Selam at her most vulnerable time - they made her feel safe in a scary world, supported Bryan and I as we were just getting to know our daughter, pulled a first and second tooth, and so much more. On the last day of school at East I took some treats for a little fun with those in her ESL class. Here is Selam and her best friend - another reason we were so sad to leave. On the flip side this means that the girls are now going to the same school. One bus schedule instead of two, one set of school events instead of two and the girls simply getting the opportunity to experience school life together.

Playing in leaves is an all time favorite and this year the kiddies really got into it. Just a few pics for fun.

Daddy having a little fun with his boy who is just about willing to try anything. Lord help us when he is 16! There was a BIG pile of leaves if you are concerned :)

And finally this weekend we kicked off the Christmas season by participating in the Ozark Christmas Parade. Another first for the kids as last year there was no way I was going to try and corral them on a float for a lengthy time. So we joined in this year and rode on the Sheriff Department's float with the other kids and mommas while daddy's walked beside us and handed out candy. Selam had the best time waving and shouting Merry Christmas while AJ spent most of his time in lala over the fact that Santa was riding the old fire truck directly behind us. He couldn't believe Santa was so close to us for such a long time!

So that's us - we've been busy... and all this while I have literally been out of town for work almost every week during the months of October and the first part of November for two or three days at a time.

Hope you all have a very blessed Thanksgiving!

Hair Care

2010-11-21T16:14:00.000-06:00

I get told how much others love Selam's hair quite a bit and then asked what we do so I thought I would share. Let me just start by saying this..... I have A LOT to learn so this is just what I have learned so far for Selam's hair. I also have to say that this is something I have had to put some effort into. I myself am not a big product girl. I put a little Moroccan oil in my hair prior to blow drying it on the every other day that I wash it and then a little hairspray to hold my swept bangs so spending a ton of time on hair isn't in my nature and I have had to learn by trial and error and being committed to taking the time for Selam's hair. One thing I have noticed however is it pays off with her and I in the relationship dept. Selam loves to have her hair done. She feels good when it's done and when others comment on it. This morning in fact as I was doing her hair she had this to say to me, "Mom, everyone says how pretty my hair is and thinks you do such a good job. Then they ask me how you learned to do it so quick and I just smile and tell them I helped you some." LOL! I think she was trying to give me a word of encouragement but truth be known she has helped me some. She has given me little tips like how to split the hair into three equal parts for braiding and sometimes she shows me some really fun stuff while she braids Jenna's hair - of course Jenna loves that b/c then she gets to be involved in the long hair rituals at our house. So while it's been work for me it's been great as a way for Selam to let me care for her and grow closer to her.

Hair wild and free. This was co-washed the same day as the picture.

So here are a couple of things we do regularly:

1. Co-Wash (wash using only conditioner) once a week. We stopped using shampoo altogether to avoid stripping the hair.

2. To co-wash I use a conditioner with cholesterol in it. It's thick and gunky but it really moisturizes the hair and helps to separate the curls.

3. While the hair has the conditioner in it we use a wide toothed comb to work through the hair and remove all the tangles (or twangles as Selam says - so sweet). This is the only time we truly comb through her hair.

4. If it's not in braids for the week we wet it down daily after getting up with a squirt bottle that contains water and conditioner. I shake it up well before spraying.

5. After wetting it down I use a daily cream conditioner on her hair. We do this every day or it gets dry really fast.

6. Each night before bed we wrap her head in a silk head wrap to help the hair not get fuzzy and knotted throughout the night.

7. Extra Virgin Coconut Oil (found at any health food store) is AMAZING at keeping the scalp moisturized and healthy. Selam's scalp was flaking so much on me. I tried doing deep conditioners and letting it sit on her for hours with no luck at keeping the scalp healthy. I had seen on a blog that someone was using this and decided to give it a try. We use this approximately every other day to every three days. When her hair is down and is crazy curly I just part her hair, get some on my finger and rub into scalp, then part another section and do the same thing, and so on. When we have it braided it's much easier to rub into the areas of the scalp that is showing. Since we started using this NO FLAKING at all!

Braiding / Twists:

We like to braid her hair regularly when school is going b/c as a working momma I have little time in the mornings with getting a whole house ready to go and on days that daddy has to go it alone in the morning... well it just wouldn't be good for either of them if he had to do the whole process. By braiding on a Sunday night I can make that style last through Friday which is great.

We also like to do twists, however, they only last about 1/2 a week for me.

Tips for keeping braids/twists looking nice all week:

1. Moisturize Daily - this was one that took me a while to learn. I wasn't doing this once the braids were in and by weeks end when I would let her braids out for relaxing and co-wash we were struggling with it all falling out (breaking off). Thanks to an amazing African American friend who will answer my silliest questions she helped me understand that I needed to keep her braids moisturized. So simple yet I totally missed it! Now have an oil/conditioner spray that we use each night on the braids (along with coconut oil a few times a week on the scalp) prior to putting her head wrap on before bed time.

2. I check the braids each morning to make sure the bands are still staying strong and replace them if need be throughout the week. This helps me catch braids prior to them getting loose on us.

3. Sometimes in the mornings after she has woken up I will have to put some of our daily cream conditioner on around the edges of her scalp to help fluff the little fly aways that have escaped. This is usually towards the end of the week when the braids are on their last few days.

4. We specifically let the hair have a few days to relax - I found that having braids 7 days a week puts too much pressure on Selam's hair which was also causing the breakage (another little tip from my African American friend).

Boxes with the hair split then braided (two braids per box) then pulled together on each side to create the effect of pig tails.

Box braids with simple barrettes at the end. One of Selam's favorites and the barrettes weight the braids down and they stay long and pretty.

Twists with Bantu knots at the end to create a natural head band

Puffs
We also like puffs, but they require a little more time in the mornings over the braids. Our daily ritual when we have puffs include: taking out the bands (by the way I usually use soft bands for puffs b/c we have to take them out each day) moisturizing the hair with our daily cream conditioner, brushing the outsides of the hair again with the boars hair brush (see below in tools) and then putting the puff back in. Once back in we wet the puff with our spray bottle to fluff up the curls again.

Tools
Having the right tools also seems to be helpful for us. Here are must haves for us:
1. Wide toothed comb
2. Comb with a pick at the end to help part the hair
3. Boars hair brush
4. Clips to hold hair that I have parted
5. Small rubber bands

6. Cute goodies to put in hair

Product:

Hmmmm.... well we've been around the block and back with product. I have to say I have not broken down and purchased some of the really pricey stuff out there. I just can't bring myself to do it. We have finally found some stuff that works nicely. I don't know that I can say I have found "the stuff" yet (with the exception of the coconut oil) so that is why you will not find any specific products listed in this post.

To cut or not to cut? That is the question..... to which I don't necessarily have the answer. For us we have not officially cut Selam's hair, however, I have trimmed dry ends off which has really seemed to make it look healthier. I have done that twice since we came home 15 months ago.

*******************

Again let me say I am not an expert - Most of what I have learned I have found online. I joined a yahoo chat group dedicated to moms who have adopted children with African American hair. This is where I find some great ideas as there are a ton of pictures on styles and others have shared what works and doesn't work. There are also plenty of video tutorials online as well.

Some places I tend to look for help:

Yahoo Group

Happy Girl Hair

Some great You Tube videos

Enjoy and Happy Hair!

All Done - New Beginning

2010-10-31T23:21:00.001-05:00

We recently received a letter from our adoption agency. It was an "All Done" letter as we called it in our house. The letter stated all our paperwork was complete and they were officially closing our file. Wow!

This is a BIG change for us. No more paperwork to keep up with and no more social worker (which we're kind of sad about since we loved ours). We have had a social worker who has been part of our lives since 2007 when we first started this process. We've had many visits with her at our house on a regular basis, but August was the last of those visits.

Our All Done letter felt similar to when we left the hospital with Jenna. They helped us get our stuff together, walked us to the car, and gave us the you're going to do great cheer. We drove off with Jenna, looked at each other and then wondered what to do next. Our letter was like our agency helped us get our last bit of stuff together, gave us the you're going to do great cheer and then let us drive off with AJ and Selam. It felt good on one hand and a little scary on the other.

I was reading an article this weekend about how the first year home with an infant is really a time that the parents and child "fall in love." It made me remember how uncomfortable I was with Jenna at first. It took me a while to get to know her... to fall in love with her. It took her a while to get to know me and for her to fall in love with us. It was definitely a little whisper from the Lord that I have to fall in love with my kids be it by biology or adoption.

That's my prayer over the next year. Now that we are solo in this process I just want us to find ourselves more in love with each other. Maybe then my patience will last longer, my confidence be higher, their fear be less, and we will just "fit" together more like a family. I am going to try and not beat myself up when I don't do something right, or don't have the feelings I think I should and just continue to pray for the love to come.

All Done....... more like New Beginning!

How are the kids

2010-10-30T14:53:00.000-05:00

My how time goes by. I've had a few people recently who have mentioned that I had not updated the blog in a while. I have been crazy busy with my job but honestly I haven't really known what to write.

My first real struggle is that I am not completely sure anyone wants to hear all the craziness rolling around inside my head. Regularly we are asked ... daily we are asked...... how it's going? ... how the kids are doing? I smile and give the, "we're doing good answer" b/c honestly that's probably about all anyone wants to hear. The majority of people make the assumption that after a few months home life gets worked out. While certain things tend to come to an end like melt downs from lack of ability to communicate or fear other things come around. I know that's typical with children who haven't been adopted as well. They all go through stages... but some of these things that we who have adopted children go through are not typical by any means. And to be honest I can't even really tell you if all families who've adopted experience this - maybe it's more so for those of us who brought home older children, or children with special needs. What I do know is it puts a strain on our lives daily, we continually die to ourselves on a daily basis, we manage a gazillion and one emotions from all parties involved daily and fight exhaustion daily. We live in a pretty lonely place. Others see adoption as sweet and sacrificial and "what a great thing we have done for these two children." But they all quickly get back to their own daily lives and we hang out wondering if we should take our kids out to dinner b/c we're not sure we have the energy to deal with the social and emotional stuff out in public. And let me also say this I am okay with others going back to their daily lives. I don't expect people to continue to come around like they did the first few months home. I am really okay with that. I just know that to say we are doing fine isn't really the right answer but what I feel is probably the best to say without getting into our daily drama :)

So how are we doing? Well, better than 6 months ago but the truth is new things have surfaced. New things that I am tired of dealing with. But I made a commitment and we push on. We're searching out new skills daily, professionals that can help us.... Truth is we will be pushing on for a long time. So in short... "we're doing okay" because honestly I haven't got much else to say when asked that question even though there is much more to be said.

Learning to grieve

2010-10-11T22:31:00.001-05:00

Not to long ago I posted that we had to say goodbye to our sweet pup, Bonnie. I've been processing all of our reactions - if you read the post about this you will remember that Bonnie wasn't just a pet. She was a pet who we brought into our home after a loved one passed away. While she lived at our house she wasn't just our dog - she was everyone's dog that knew and loved my grandfather.

So when Bonnie left us recently you can guess our reactions were sad - we grieved the loss of her. For about 2 days we cried, when my brave husband took her to the vet and she left our house for the final time Jenna, my mom and I sat on the floor together just crying and cuddling. Sad of losing her and sad of the reminder that we lost a loved one.

Two other children however are a part of our family now, and obviously they were with us through it all but their reaction was different. They watched intently..... staying quiet, not understanding what was happening, and honestly probably hardened to loss b/c they have had so much of it in their short lives.

The day Bonnie left our house and as we sat crying on the floor two other children came close. They tried their hardest to feel our pain. They tried with all they had to cry and follow our lead but it was forced. My first reaction was frustration if I am being honest with you. We were mourning :) We were sad, and they were faking it. I know - it's a hard reaction but it's a real one. Within seconds though my heart melted as I looked at my kids and realized they are trying to grieve. My mind went back to their own personal stories - have they cried over their losses? Do they understand their losses? Do they even understand how to grieve? So we hugged them close and let them do their best to feel something... anything for the loss of our pet.

Loss...... our kids whom we have adopted come to us with so much of it. Sometimes so much of it that they don't know how to move through it.

Since that day both A and S have shed some real tears for the loss of Bonnie, and it's opened the doors for us to discuss loss in general and that we have hope. Hope in a God who loves us and a promise that we can make it through grief.

I would have never guessed that the loss of our pet would initiate learning to grieve in an appropriate way for A and S.

Baby Steps!

Monday Meditations - Do it Afraid

2010-10-10T21:50:00.000-05:00

Wow - Monday Meditations! Where did you go :) It's been so long since you have shown your face on my blog, LOL.

So I've told you all that recently I went to an amazing women's conference at my church which was all about daring to dream the God Dreams which He planted inside of us long before we realized they were there. One of the main things that spoke to me was this statement, "Do it Afraid!" (Quote from Joyce Meyer)

In order to live the God Dream you have to do it, but fear often rises up in us and causes us to not move or take the chance. We saw this so many times in our adoption journey. When we ran into complications with El Salvador for weeks were unable to move forward in the process. Not because we didn't have a choice but b/c we were afraid to move forward. We didn't know what was the right course or how we would do it. What we did know was God had placed a dream in our hearts to adopt and if we were going to make our dream a reality we were going to have to do it afraid.

Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid, don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take. Joshua 1:9 (Message)

I often allow my fear to get the best of me and freeze up - begin to hold my hands inward rather than open and outward to receive the blessing of stepping out and doing.

The Lord has put his spirit in me, because he appointed me to to tell the good news to the poor. He has sent me to tell the captives they are free and to tell the blind that they can see again. God sent me to free those who have been treated unfairly and to announce the time when the Lord will show his kindness. Luke 4:18-19 (NCV)

The truth is I have a responsibility to help the poor and needy, to tell others about Jesus and the life we can have in him. I have a responsibility placed on my life to help free those souls that can't stand up for themselves and to be honest God doesn't want to hear my excuses. Don't get me wrong - he hears my fears and loves me through them but I wonder how often he is thinking, "My child, we have been through this before. I've told you I got your back, I've told you I will not leave you alone. Yet here you are - holding back, not trusting me."

God is moving me to step out. I don't know exactly where I am going yet (another post for another day) but I am struggling with the same old things I always do. I am struggling with my own fears of all the "details" not being there and my own insecurities/limitations to really do all He has for me to do.

A small collection of my notes from this session that I have been reading over and over:

Time and Chance happen to us all (Ecl 9:11). What will I do with my opportunities? My time? My chance?
Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world
Do it afraid - do it over and over afraid until you are no longer afraid
It's not a God dream until it's so big that you know you can't accomplish it on your own

He has it - I need to trust him with it. Plain and simple, yet oh so hard sometimes isn't it?

Lord, help me to just surrender the fears I have. Help me to fall in line with you and your commands upon my life so that I can be confident and not be afraid. Let your spirit rise up in me when I am afraid and allow me to push through to Do it afraid! Don't let me miss my chance.... my opportunities to be a part of the dreams you have for me.

Questions....

Have you ever had a God opportunity fall in your lap but you opted out b/c you were afraid?
Have you ever felt like if you didn't have all the details worked out you just couldn't do it?
What have you struggled with over and over that cause you to doubt yourself or your abilities?

Be Part of an AMAZING God Dream

2010-10-06T20:49:00.000-05:00

If you read my last post you know that God is moving in my heart and I have to say in my friends hearts as well. He's moving us to do big things - dream big dreams. One of my favorite friends is daring to dream and you can be a part of her God Dream. Missions is on her heart and she's stepping out in faith to live like Jesus, love like Jesus.

If you've dreamed of going on a missions trip or just love to help those in need then this is for you! Go to MY CRAZY ADOPTION and meet my crazy friend Kari. She's got a God Dream and you are going to want to be a part of it.

Let's all love and live like Jesus! She's made it super easy for you to do so!!

This is how we can be sure we are living in God: Whoever says that he is in God lives like Jesus.

1 John 1:5-6 (NCV)

God Dreams

2010-10-02T23:03:00.000-05:00

The past three days I've been dreaming. James River Assembly, my church, holds an annual conference. This year's theme was Dare to Dream. As usual our church does an amazing job to set the stage for God to move in the hearts of girls (3000 of us to be exact). Can I just say being in a room with approximately 3000 girls... singing and worshiping God with all our hearts was truly amazing. It's good to pull away from this crazy world at times and just focus on the things that really matter. The things that are eternal!

Each day we were challenged to dream. To consider the "God Dreams" placed upon our lives. I have thought a lot about the words "God Dreams" since the day the conference started. Dreams are part of our culture - we strive to live the "American Dream." Others risk their lives to have a chance at the American Dream. As I sat through each stage of the conference I thought about how people are so desperate for the American Dream yet so many (including myself) are left feeling empty even after we chase and achieve a piece of the American Dream.

We've been home for just a little over a year with AJ and Selam. The first 6 months were simply survival mode. The second 6 months have been denial mode. I am sad to even admit but denial of God Dreams in my life. Those things He planned out for me to do, to impact, those things that I would love to the deepest parts of my heart. Partly due to exhaustion and mostly due to fear. My focus had once again turned to that American Dream... the earthly dream, things, life. And... as usual I have been left with the feeling of frustration and emptiness.

One of my favorite quotes this weekend was that we are not fearful of what we can not do but often of what we can do. Fearful of the potential we could achieve! I think I could have been the poster child for that one quote.

As I shared with Bryan this afternoon some of what I was feeling and thinking after the conference I knew that I have get back to God dreams and take my focus off of any dreams that are man made.... me made, and I need to work through the fear that is holding me back. I really dislike that fear has even crept back into my life in that way. The adoption process is freeing in terms of letting go and letting God. I think b/c our journey was so long and a little crazy that my flesh has just gotten the best of me and I haven't wanted to even consider what God might have for me after bringing AJ and Selam home.

So.... I am taking the first step of wondering, considering what God Dreams lie in front of me, and of recognizing the fear that has put such a hold on me. My mind is going to need to process all that I heard over the past few days so come back soon for some more dreaming!

Thoughts to ponder.......

What did you want to be when you were little?
Is there anything in your heart that you would love to do but it just seems like such a far stretch that others would think you have gone a little crazy if you told them?
Are you chasing after any dreams that are man made? You made?

A big empty spot in our house

2010-09-29T00:07:00.000-05:00

This past week has been a hard one in our house. We said goodbye to a very special pup.

She leaves a big empty space in our house. Not only was she our pet she was my grandfather's pet and we brought her home when he passed away 5 years ago. As if losing a special pet isn't hard enough but add that to the final earthly connection you have with a loved one and well.... lets just say we've been sad.

We sent some special letters to Bonnie this weekend and my kids are certain that she and Papa Wayne are finally together again. GULP! I guess I am pretty certain of that as well :)

The balloons floated so high and far that they just disappeared into the sky. It did my heart good as well to just watch them float away until I could see them no more.

We'll miss you Bonnie!

Ethiopian Adoption and Friends October Gathering

2010-09-16T19:18:00.000-05:00

SPRINGFIELD ETHIOPIAN CHILDREN AND FRIENDS!

OCTOBER GATHERING

10/16/2010

4:00 PM TO DARK

Join us at Campbell’s Farm for lots of fun!!!

• Hayrides out to the pumpkin patch

• Corn Maze

• Inflatables/Kids play area

• Pumpkin Painting or Haunted Maze

• Bonfire at 5:30 with hotdogs and chips (bring your own drinks, lawn chairs and or blankets. Cost for hotdogs and chips $3 per family)

Group Rate of $6 per person. Non-walking children are free.

Please RSVP by October 7th with your name and # attending to gillmanbk@hotmail.com so that we can have a count for the bonfire.

Rain Date: 10/23/2010

Please help spread the word! See you there!!

www.campbellsmazedaze.com

It's a Meaningful Life

2010-09-05T16:29:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't seen this..... can't wait for it to be out and share with our kids. I have such a deep desire for all my kids (but especially S and A) to know that they were created with a purpose in mind. That even in the midst of serious questions about life God DID NOT make a mistake in their little lives and he has a purpose and plan for them. I never want them to doubt their value and worth in The Father's eyes and life in general. This looks to be a fun and special way to share that message. Not to mention I love It's a wonderful life so I can't wait to see how the creators of the film put the wonderful life spin into the it.

A New Year

2010-08-28T12:29:00.001-05:00

Well it's not the turn of the calendar year but for us it's a new year in all kinds of ways. We've turned the page on our first year home. We have come sooooo far from those first few months. Our family has come together by leaps and bounds. We still have some work to do but what family doesn't, right? I can't wait to see how far God brings our family in this next year!

We've also started a new school year. J moved into 2nd grade, S into 1st grade, and AJ started preschool. We are so blessed to be in an AMAZING school district. We have a great support group in terms of our children's learning. They want to see them succeed as much as we do and that makes our life easier and better.

Here a a few pics of our first days of school - enjoy!

One year ago today!

2010-08-17T07:00:00.002-05:00

I can't even believe I am saying this but one year ago today we were able to hug and love on AJ and Selam in person. Our journey was such a long one... with many ups and downs, twists and turns. We worked so hard to get them home (as well as our amazing agency). We thought it would never happen to be quite honest and here we are - putting up a post on hitting the one year home mark. God is truly a God of miracles. I regularly wonder what He has in store for us. Only He could bring two children from different parts of E*thiopia together then a "us" from M*issouri together with those two children to build a family. While I don't have to do anything for the blessings and grace He bestows upon my life when I look at what He has done for us I want to give back - somehow, someway. It's interesting b/c as we enter into this next year He is already moving us. I felt an urge to release some of the additional things I was doing and just yesterday He presented a new idea in front of us regarding adoption. My heart is a little giddy b/c it's a way for us to give back. To share our adoption story and make a difference. This past Sunday our pastor gave an amazing sermon about having a renewed mind and transformed life. One of the things I couldn't let go of after his sermon was this statement, "you know you are living a transformed life when you love doing what you aught to do!" Christianity isn't mean to be a list of things you can't do - it's meant to be a list of things you want to do and I want to share with others the blessing He has given us in three precious children, a journey to Africa, and how I am transformed because of His mercy. Seeking Him and relishing in the blessing He gave us one year ago today!

I'm wondering...... What are your blessings today? Is your mind in such a renewed state that you are eager to do what you aught to do as a Christian? Are you standing in amazement of what He has done in your life or are you wondering when something exciting will happen to you? I hope it's the first of that statement! I hope you are saying to yourself that your cup runneth over and you will do anything for Him to just keep it coming!

Keep it coming Jesus! I am ready for it!!

Treasure Island Kids Camp

2010-08-08T12:00:00.004-05:00

Jenna had her first experience with camp this year. Our church has an amazing kids program and kids camp was no different. I went with her as a camp counselor and had just as much fun. It was an exhausting but great 3 days! Here are a few pics - one day was full of mud fun. It was a blast to get a bunch of girls together to play in a bunch of mud. Needless to say our shoes went in the trash directly after :)

Jenna and her bestie on the bus headed down to camp

Our team of girls - our color was green if you couldn't have guessed and the girls came up with a team name of Emerald Tide. I think we made a pretty good group of pirates! It felt a little like survivor I must say - we had to create a team flag and carry it with us everywhere we went.

Here's our group hanging out waiting to get muddy - or shall I say more muddy!

Jenna giving me her fierce face - LOL!

And can I just say that the leaders are expected to participate - here are the big girls getting down and dirty in a little game of slippery strength. It really was so much fun! Everyone got so muddy that they had us walk down to the lake to clean off before getting into the showers.

Our group waiting for evening chapel to start. I loved watching 110 kids move up front each night and worship God in an amazing way. My calves were so sore when I got home from literally jumping the entire time in worship. God had to have been smiling seeing his children just go all out :)

This was our dance party on the second night after evening snack. I have danced the Ice Cream and Cake more times than I care to. Google it if you haven't ever seen it. Your kids will love it!

And finally night night time at camp. Let me just say I whacked my head on those bunks a few times but had a good time rooming with all these girls. I can't wait to head back next year!

Recognized!

2010-08-07T07:00:00.003-05:00

Another piece of the adoption process complete! In July the courts in the US recognized our foreign adoption and AJ and Selam are officially Gillmans. We are so excited to have this part of the process done. It really is one of the final steps in our adoption and our kids becoming US Citizens. The re-adoption process went so quickly for us which was a huge blessing. It was a fun day for us. My mom and step dad went with us to help and mark the special occasion. It was a really good feeling to stand before a judge and say we want AJ and Selam in our lives. Because we were not present in E*thiopia for our court hearing Bryan and I never got the chance to say publicly we want this for our family. We had said it on paper and verbally to our agency but not officially in this way. Here are a few pictures to mark our special occasion. The judge was so nice and compassionate towards our kids - he was eager to take pictures with us. Enjoy!

Of course AJ isn't looking at the camera - he's to busy playing as usual!

Fully Engaged for the First Time - PLAY is the Key!

2010-08-05T23:24:00.000-05:00

This afternoon Selam and I were in the car together alone. She loves to talk in the car about life in E*thiopia. I don't know what it is about the car ride but it seems to trigger big discussions. Anyway, we were alone in the car and it had actually been several days, maybe even a couple of weeks since our last heavy discussion about E*thiopia, and Selam says, "I haven't thought about E*thiopia and my mom in a while. I've just been thinking about camping." A little back info for you... last weekend we took a few extra days and went on a camping trip to the lake. We played hard and had a great time together. Up to this point E*thiopia has always been lingering. We don't mind that but it's never really out of the discussion, hence Selam has never really been fully engaged in our family life. I see it in her heart and face regularly. The sense of being torn - should she be loyal to us or loyal to life before? If she let's go is it wrong or right? If she enjoys herself here is it disrespectful to there? I knew she had a good time on the camping trip. That was evident by the pure smiles throughout the weekend, the giggles, the fun. But what I didn't realize is that for the first time she was fully engaged in our family life here without the burden of hanging on to family life there.

So back to the conversation in the car today..... after she stated she hadn't thought about her mom I took the time to reassure her that it's okay. I told her I was sure her mom would have been happy that she was having fun and liking it here. Then I also reassured her that no matter what she can always think about her birth mom and that her daddy and I never want her to forget the special person who gave her life. She gave me a slight smile and then said, "I like to think about camping and I like my birth mom." My answer... "Me too!"

I have thought a lot about this conversation tonight. I wish I could take away the struggle my sweet S feels between her homeland and her home but I can't. I do pray with all my heart that God heals her hurts and uses them for His glory. I have also felt so close to her this evening knowing that for the first time she was able to fully let go of hurts and live in the moment of our family for several days. What a blessing! A true sign that He is healing her hurts and joining us into the family He has us to be.

I truly believe that the thing which allowed her to let go was PLAY! We have spent the past week just playing as a family without the influence of others. Not only are our kids more connected to us but we are feeling more calm and connected to them. Selam couldn't get enough of Bryan this past week and if you know how life was when we came home this is like a miracle! So tip for all you coming behind us - take time to PLAY. Take time to be silly, lovey, tickle, tackle, swim, play board games, ride bikes, play ball, swing, slide, run, chase... well you get what I am saying. Something happens in their little heart of hearts that releases the anxiety, the fear, the worry and they truly can become fully engaged.

Thank you Jesus for continuing to move in our family!

We're Still Here

2010-08-03T20:34:00.000-05:00

Where does the time go! I just noticed it had been a few weeks since my last post. We have been rockin and rollin the past month with summer activities and we have one more to go this weekend. Kids camp, lake trip, hanging out with family that was in, gardening, finalizing the adoption in the US .... Just a couple more weeks and school starts so we are headed out this weekend for one final getaway. The kids have had so much fun together. I have lots of pics to document the fun - hoping this week to get a fun slideshow out for you.

As I turned the calendar to August I had several things running through my mind. It's a very special month for us. Our last post placement visit is happening next week b/c in just a couple of weeks we will be celebrating "1 Year Gotcha Day!" I can't believe we are here... but I will write more about that later.

For now just wanted you all who may still be keeping up with us to know that we are here, alive, and having a blast together as a family.

Hugs from the G house!

Thoughts on Adoption 2 Unrelated by Birth

2010-07-13T21:48:00.004-05:00

I thought I would toss out my thoughts about adopting two at one time who are unrelated by birth for a few reasons. One being this is our story, two others have asked about it often, and three it seems to be quite controversial at times.

One of our favorite set of friends on this adoption journey is now headed back for round two and are really opening their hearts to what God has for them. They are swinging the door open to a variety of possibilities (one of them being two unrelated biologically). We've been a resource to them in answering questions about our own experience and the other day I said, "you know if you have these questions - maybe others do. Do you care if I blog about it?" Of course her answer was yes since I am obviously blogging :)

So why all the controversy? I have to be honest and tell you that I haven't studied it a ton - probably b/c I knew it was what God laid out for us. We left the door open for Him and He presented the idea to us by our agency offering the referral. We prayed about it and believed that this was His plan for us. Because controversy isn't a match for what God is capable of doing we accepted the referral. Does that mean it's been easy - (laughing now)..... Absolutely not but what adoption is easy - really. Should you read up and be prepared for what lies ahead - without a doubt! You should do that in any adoption or even in a decision to have a child by birth. It's crazy not to have some sort of clue as to what is going on or will go on.

I have to say for us we have had an amazing experience with adopting two children who are unrelated biologically. I should tell you one of the biggest concerns we had since we only had 1 child prior to the adoption was that if God presented us with siblings there might be a bond that our biological child could never fit into. I find it interesting that God took away that worry for us by presenting us with unrelated children.

Pro: Because we only had one child this put everyone on equal playing fields. No one appears to be feeling more bonded than the other in their journey as siblings. All are connecting with each other on the same level.

Here's a question we've been asked a few times: But they have different stories, how will you deal with that?

My answer: the same way we would deal with it if we adopted two children at different times. Wouldn't they have different stories? In our house we talk about being unique and each one of us is created by God individually for a purpose He has. My purpose is different from yours - we all have different stories don't we?

Another issue that often pops up when discussing two unrelated is the possibility that you might bond with each child differently b/c they are from different families, different backgrounds. My answer to that is: yes that is very true, but it really has a lot to do with the personality and child themselves as well. For us bonding has happened more quickly with one than the other. One looks to us immediately when they are scared or hurt, shys away from strangers, jumps full force into our laps and says "I lub you!" with as much excitement as possible. The other plays the rejection card on occasion, deals with hurts on their own and sometimes doesn't want to be overly physical with us. Does their story play into that - possibly. One may be more fresh in the other's mind. But the truth is they are different children with different minds and personalities. My biological brother and I are very different. He was an incredibly lovey kid. Always tugging at my mom and others - I, while lovey, didn't like a lot of cuddle time. I like my spot on the couch to this day and you can have your spot too if you want.. it just can't be mine, LOL. We're different b/c God made us different. Our two unrelated by birth are different and that yields to our bonding happening at different rates. It would happen that way even if they were biologically related.

I said to my friend the other day as we talked about this very topic that really the hardest thing was bringing home two at once. It was exhausting b/c just as we would get one taken care of (their needs, their fears) the other would start up. We had been home about a month and a half. We were having some incredibly long emotional meltdowns by all three kids. It was dinner time. I had just spent my time diffusing meltdown after meltdown that day. I cooked dinner, got everyone to the table and looked at Bryan then said, "I am going to the bedroom for a while." I went in, shut the door, got down on the other side of the bed and just cried in my little corner - asking God why it was so difficult. After about 10 minutes Bryan came back to check on me and I had a meltdown myself. I was tired, cried on my hubby's shoulder and then as any good man does he said - "You know this is life now. You're going to have to pull it together babe!" I politely said give me another 10 minutes to have my pity party and I will be back out. He let me, I came out of hiding and we trudged forward. It's tiring!!! I will be honest. But we pushed through and if you are out there considering this option but are not sure if you can do it just know I am sitting here typing and haven't had a meltdown in several months, LOL! God is faithful to bring you through the hard stuff if it's His will in the first place.

And that statement leads me to my final thought. I in no way want to push adopting two children on you if you are considering adoption. I in no way want to push adopting unrelated children on you. What I do want to impress upon you is that when you allow God to have control of your life you can TRUST that He will do exactly what is right for you and your family. God knows what each and every one of us is capable of - usually better than we know it ourselves so when we are trusting in Him to guide us we can't go wrong - no matter what the controversy over our issues are!

If you have some pearls of wisdom to share on adopting two unrelated or multiples please leave a comment to share with others.

Blessings,

Happy 4th of July!

2010-07-04T11:01:00.003-05:00

Our new shirts! Check out the previous post if you want to make your own.

Can someone tell the nut in front to put the flag down!

At least they are all looking in the same direction :)

This boy makes me smile! Is he not the cutest thing you have ever seen!!

Still our sweet S :)

The BIG SIS.

Sisters

I said pose and this is what I got. My kids - I love their sillyness!

Here he is again - I just can't resist his little "I'm up to something smile!"

Peace out! So silly!!

Have a blessed 4th of July. Love from the Gillman house comin' at ya!

Fun Fourth of July Tee

2010-06-30T21:45:00.003-05:00

Another fun family idea to share with you. In fact this idea comes from the Family Fun website. The kids and I are planning on making ours Friday evening for Sunday fun.

Materials You will Need
Fabric paint in brown, white, black, and yellow
T-shirt
Piece of cardboard
Paintbrush

Instructions
To keep the paint from bleeding through the shirt, place the cardboard inside. With the brush, paint your child's right palm and fingers (not the thumb) brown. Have her press her hand onto the shirt to form the eagle's left wing. Repeat with the left hand for the other wing, overlapping the palm prints, as shown. Have your child clean her hands. Tip: Depending upon the thickness of the paint, you may need to let one color dry before adding another. Use a hair dryer to speed up the drying.

To make the tail feathers, paint the index, middle, and ring fingers of one hand white. Turn the shirt upside down, then have your child press her fingers onto the shirt where shown.

For the head, have your child make a fist with her left hand, then paint the pinkie side white. Press down on the shirt and slightly smudge the print to give the eagle's head a feathery look.

Use a finger to make a black dot for the eye, then dab on a yellow beak. Set the paint according to the package directions.

Enjoy and have a blessed Fourth of July!
Kim

Hula Hoopin through Summer

2010-06-28T10:34:00.005-05:00

By the end of the school year Jenna was quite good at the Hula Hoop. She would hula through the house daily if I let her. This past weekend I had to work at a community wide play day and looked over to another agencies booth that was providing jump ropes and hula hoops for kids to play in and caught Jenna hula hooping with a multitude of hoops! Selam said Jenna was able to to get 6 going at once. Are my kids talented or what :)

Hope you are having a blessed summer!
Kim

Summer Lanterns

2010-06-23T21:55:00.000-05:00

We have several little projects lined up for the summer and this is the first I want to share with you. I actually snagged the idea last summer from our friend Becca. Jenna and I loved doing it so much last year that I thought we should do it again this year.

Step one: Save a few cans (wash and dry them). Any shape or size will do

Step 2: Fill with water and freeze. Leave a little room at the top of the can or as the water expands the bottom of the can will pop off.

Step 3: Take out and have your kiddos draw fun shapes, pictures on the can. We use a perminent marker. It's strong enough to mark on the frosty cans and actually comes off pretty easy a little later on in the process. Although you might keep a close eye on those little ones while they have the marker out, LOL.

Step 4: Adults only!! Get a mallet and a screwdriver. Place the can on it's side and gently pound the screw driver into the can with the mallet following the outline of the shapes your kiddo has just drawn. I like to put a towell under the can to help reduce the noise as well as help keep the can from slipping around. Make sure to also place a hole on each side at the top of the can to connect your handle to.

Step 5: After you have put all your holes in the can run the can under warm water to remove the ice. This is a good time to rub off any remaining marker. Dry with a towell.

Step 6: The handle! Cut a strip of wire (found at any hobby store) and let the kiddos string beads on it. Once complete help them wrap the ends of the wire through the two holes you placed at the top of the cans. We also like to add little strips of ribbon at the edges of the handle.

Step 7: Hang and Enjoy!

"Momma Bear" stepped forward this week

2010-06-11T21:07:00.001-05:00

I am a working momma. I spend my days helping make child care programs a better place for kids and families by offering training and guidance to those watching over little ones and I love it. At this point He has not moved me to let go of that and stay at home and because of that I believe that is why He has always provided a good loving place for Jenna to be while I worked.

We have been home with AJ and Selam almost 9 months. AJ has been in child care since I went back to work last October. This time around child care has not seemed to work out quite as smoothly as it has before. Socially and emotionally AJ has some special needs. What kiddo who was adopted wouldn't. We've had a hard time landing in a place that was just right for AJ. Maybe I am a little picky as well b/c of what I do I don't know but the places we have been so far just haven't worked out. I've told myself this is no surprise to God. He has our best interest in hand and He's using this to make us stronger somehow.

A week ago we had an "incident" at his provider and AJ was treated really unfairly. In fact the adult watching him purely took out her frustration on him in a most child like manner rather than being the adult and providing him with a time away from the activity they were doing. When our provider told me what happened I found myself in shock, overly concerned about my child and really upset that he had been treated in such a disrespectful manner. That "hey that's my kid!" came roaring in I felt something I hadn't for AJ before. The momma bear in me decided to show up and it was all I could do not to unleash her, LOL.

Bryan and I have processed what happened. And by the way let me say AJ was in no way abused but definitely treated unfairly. We've wondered why God has allowed our child care situations with AJ to be less than perfect but I can tell you He is using it. He is using it to join our hearts and draw us closer. For the first time I knew He was my kid and just as I would with Jenna I found myself saying NO ONE is going to treat my kid like that.

We had been looking for alternate care after that situation and our provider agreed she and AJ were not a good fit. So God has provided again. This time a place Jenna spent some of her time. A place we know. A safe place where AJ will get a fair shot.

I am however extremely thankful to God in the midst of this negative situation that He allowed a stronger bond to occur. I am telling you I look at that kid differently today. It's funny how one instance will connect the bond.

Thank you Jesus for always meeting our needs in good or bad situations. You are always right there in them!

ELL Stage 4: Intermediate Fluency

2010-06-10T21:54:00.003-05:00

Here is the final stage in English Language Learning as promised. Children or adults typically move through this stage around 2-3 years after they have been involved in the new language. We have been home for approximately 9 months with our kiddos and I do not feel we are moving into this stage yet. AJ is teetering between stage 2 and 3 while Selam is definitely into stage 3 (Speech Emergence).

Characteristics of this stage:
Adequate face-to-face conversation (a higher level of confidence)
More extensive Vocabulary
Few Grammatical errors
Ability to Analyze and Explain
Use Figurative language (written and oral)

You will see children being able to predict, narrate what is happening, give their opinion on topics and debate/defend more often.

Drawings will be more creative and children will be able to write essays and summaries about their drawings or other things of interest.

Socially they will be able to create new play ideas with their friends, role-play and work cooperatively with a group.

What you can do to help your child:
Continue to read and read some more with them. Allow them to read to you as well.

Let them help you in the kitchen. Reading recipe cards, letting them measure things out, predicting what will happen as the items cooks or bakes will continue to enhance the skills they have already gained. Once you've finished in the kitchen end the activity with a chance for your child to sit and write down a summary of what they just did.

Play games together such as Bananagrams, Scrabble, Boggle, and Upwards.

If your children are young enough dress up and playing house together are another great way to continue the role play work.

Resources:
Here are a few websites. Reading Rockets is one where you can pull down some fun games to do with your kids during every day life (ex: going to the grocery store) to enhance their language and literacy. Brain Pop Jr. is a web site that my kids love. It focuses on more than just literacy - it has the whole deal!

Reading Rockets
Brainpop Jr.

For Previous ELL Stages 1, 2 and 3 check out the Kids and Home section

Still Around

2010-06-04T11:22:00.000-05:00

Wow I can't believe it's been so long since I posted on the blog. We are still around if you are wondering. We've ended the school year, started summer school, had AJ screened for preschool in the fall, had some play time with friends, more play time with friends.... you get what I am saying here. Life is moving fast! Hoping to get you an update soon.

Every summer I like to plan out specific activities each week with the kids and I have laid all that out this week. Look for fun family ideas coming your way. I also plan to wrap up the ELL posts - one more stage to give ya. For info on the first three stages check out the tab at the top called Kids and Home. I am super excited about some of the fun things the kids and I are going to be doing this summer - I can't wait to share them with you.

Hope you all are doing well and that you are enjoying the start of Summer.
Blessings,
Kim

Do you ever....... A Connected Psalm

2010-05-13T20:47:00.008-05:00

Do you ever have times where you really want to read something in God's word b/c you need to hear from Him but find yourself just sort of sifting through the bible every time you pick it up .... Never really landing in one spot or feeling like you have found anything that touches your soul at that moment and time?

That is where I have been for a little over a week now. I have desperately felt the need to just take in His word but when the bible opens it's like nothing stands out, nothing feels right.

When that happens to me usually I find myself reading the Psalms a lot. My soul is just naturally drawn to this book when I find myself wandering.

Am I the only one to do that?

So here is a Psalm that I have read a few times over the past few days and spent some time pondering. My commentary that I use at home says this is a Psalm of trust divided into 3 parts: 1) a statement of humility; 2) a portrait of trust; and 3) a call for hope.

Psalm 131 (ESV)

My heart is not lifted up, O Lord,
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great and too marvelous for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with it's mother;
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the Lord
from this time forth and forevermore.

I divided it into the three parts for you if you didn't notice. Mostly what I have pondered is the second section.... the portrait of trust. My study bible uses this picture to go along with it: a child of age 4 or 5 who walks trustingly beside his mother. Can't you just envision that? A mom and her child walking along at the park. Mom is enjoying the sunshine and delighting in her child who is confident, playful, and skipping in and around her presence. The child comes close at times then the child tries something new with his eyes still gazing back at his mother to make sure she's there, watching, ready to celebrate with him or catch him should he fall. Such a secure place to be and honestly for the child full of joy, peace and fun. How amazing to know that is how my God wants me to be with Him.

That picture brings me to the thought of how do we get there with our Lord. How does our soul get there as the verse speaks of. How do I become this child who is confident, playful, walking beside my Lord in a connected relationship with Him. The first part of this Psalm (the statement of humility) I think is definitely a big clue for us. We ought not think more highly of ourselves than we really are. we ought not occupy ourselves with things to hard for us to understand. Those things out of our reach emotionally should be left up to the Lord. Isn't that exactly how a child is? Does a child worry about how her parents will make the house payment? Does a child worry about the groceries and who will buy them? Well some children do I guess but should a child worry about those things? A child in a home that provides for her will not give these things a second thought - or a first thought for that matter. When I leave things up to Him and trust in Him to take on those things higher than me then can't I be that child who is confident and secure - that playful child with joy and peace? I think so!

And lastly, the hope! Sometimes I like to insert my own name into the verses go ahead and give it a try....

O (Insert your name here), hope in the Lord,
from this time forth and forevermore.

It is the Lord who brings us to such a place - hope in Him from this night and forevermore - do not doubt or wonder - forevermore!

How crazy is it that I have been searching for days in the bible. Searching for something to help me make sense of my feelings, my kids feelings. Thinking about connections - secure connections for my kids and the Lord leads me to pondering secure connections with Him. This adoption road continues to teach me more than I ever dreamed of!

Be Blessed :)

Making Connections - Not an easy road....

2010-05-08T22:47:00.009-05:00

Lately I have been tossing around in my mind the many connections that come along with adoption. There are so many connections to be made, to be lost, to struggle through, to move past. It's a roller coaster ride for each person involved.

I can't speak for those who adopted children at a small age but as a mom who began this adoption journey with older children I can say that the connections have not come easily. We are embarking on our 9Th month home with our children and while we have come a long way we still struggle with connections each and every day. Just today I found myself furious over something and realized once again that I am still putting my actions in front of my feelings. I am still faking it until I make it.

Do I have days where I am enjoying our new life? Yes. Do we have days where it just seems to be clicking? Yes. Have I had that moment where I looked at AJ and Selam and knew in my heart that they are mine. The honest hard truth is no...... I said that to someone not to long ago as I was talking about connections and they asked me if someone was to try and take our two sweet adopted kiddos from me would I fight for them. The answer is yes I would. I was glad to know I would b/c honestly it hurts to not have found that "yep, that's my kid" yet.

I think maybe one of the reasons I am so aware of my feelings for AJ and Selam is b/c I have had a child by birth and I know what my feelings are for her. I long to feel for AJ and Selam the way I feel about Jenna. But love takes time to grow. Connections take time to make.

I have been doing some reading on grief and connections lately b/c this is not the way I want to feel. I have been learning that for connections to grow they have to also be lost or let go of to some extent in this process - some call it transferring. It's where the adopted child transfers their feelings from one individual to another. This does not mean that the child has to fully let go or deny their past but that they are able to let go and move forward with the new. What I don't see written in all the books I have been looking at is the fact that everyone in the house needs to experience this transferring but in my own personal experience I can safely say that this is a process not just for the children adopted into the family.

In our house we're all struggling to let go of the past at this point.... to transfer into the new. Selam is doing just about all she can to hang on to the past. Every other word from her mouth these days seems to be about life in Ethiopi+a and her birth family. We of course never want to make her feel like we can't talk about it but if I was to share my honest feelings I have had about all the birth family talk I can take. I am tired of hearing about her mom and wished I didn't have to be the second mom. What does that say about me? It says I am grieving and have yet to transfer myself into this new world of ours.

I miss the old. I miss walking into a room and not being noticed. I am tired of feeling like we are on parade every time we go somewhere. I miss the quiet afternoons in our house on weekends or the snuggle time with Bryan and Jenna in the early mornings. I miss not having to facilitate children's battles b/c life with an only child means there are no battles to deal with. I miss not having to worry everyday that the child care provider is going to tell me someone misbehaved. It's exhausting still and I just long for the past. If I am longing for the past so much it's safe to say that I am not the only one longing for that in this house.

This is really where we are at after 8 1/2 months home. It's something that I think is rarely talked about. I've even tossed out some questions to those in the adoption community on processing birth families and making connections and get little response. I can't imagine that is because we are the only ones at this point who have been here. My guess is it's because it's not easy to admit. It's not easy to say we miss our lives before the adoption b/c we would never want anyone to think we didn't want our kids. It's not easy to say we would rather not talk about a birth family b/c we wouldn't want anyone to think we were being disrespectful to them. Nothing about this walk seems to be easy and quite frankly if a family said it was I might suggest they were not telling the truth.

Some things we have been doing to try and move through this phase.. just in case there happens to be others out there feeling this way :)

1. We're taking one day at a time. I can't think about tomorrow and plan much into the future. Today is exhausting enough even though it's a million times better than when we first came home.

2. We're increasing our knowledge of the grief process and realizing it's not just our adopted kiddos who have to grieve - it's each and every one of us in this house.

3. We're acknowledging our feelings and accepting them. So, I don't want to talk about a birth mom today - I can't beat myself up over that.

4. We're setting time frames of when it's appropriate to discuss birth families and life in Ethiopi+a so we can all cope with it and feel we get what we need out of it.

5. We're doing some activities together at home during specific times to help bring us through that transfer process (I will share more later on that).

6. And finally but definitely not last, praying that God would continue to join us together. He knows my heart, He knows I want to feel for AJ and Selam the way I feel for Jenna and He promises to give me the desires of my heart.

If you have ideas about how you moved through this transfer process or ways you made connections please leave a comment as a resource for others!

Blessings,

My New Design - Go get yours too!

2010-05-03T21:41:00.003-05:00

Hey all - just want to say a fun shout out to my friend Becky. She is responsible for the new look on my blog. She did the custom header, fun blog button that matches (by the way feel free to copy and paste the code below the button to add us to your blog) and the sweet signature at the end of each one of my posts! Aren't they fun!! I truly love the look and she did it all for less than $20. The cool thing is Becky has been doing it to help pay for adoption costs so this is a great way to support a family and get a really great look for your blog.

Check out Becky's blog to see more of her work and make contact with her. You can also connect with her and find some other great things she is doing at her Etsy shop.

For those families who are adopting from Africa she has some really cool car magnets that you will want to grab as well. Find them on her blog.

Thanks Becky so much for making my blog look so great!

Awww Shoot! Grass eating, non truth telling, happy to go to bed early kids!

2010-05-01T21:37:00.004-05:00

What is up with my title of this post! My oh my, has it been a weekend and it's just Saturday night. It's quite comical actually :)

Awww Shoot... AJ now says on a regular basis only it comes with a southern British accent if there is such a thing. It's more like the Awww is southern and the shoot is British. Go ahead and try it - it will make you laugh. Not sure where he heard it but it's now a favorite. We try hard not to laugh b/c well as you can imagine the shoot part sounds a bit like something else. Bryan is certain he'll say it in church and everyone will wonder what the heck we are teaching him.

Grass eating - so this afternoon AJ comes in from playing outdoors and smelled like an onion had just been rubbed all over him. I asked him what he had been doing and as he proceeded to tell me major onion breath came blowing over me. Gees are you serious! Yes you guessed it. Those little wild onion things that grow in your yard - yep he ate who knows how many of those things. Boy you don't eat the grass!!

Non-truth telling - we have a little problem with not always telling the truth in our house. I don't suppose we're the only ones that happens to and on most days we do okay but kids will be kids and well today Selam had a problem with telling the truth. Playing on the computer this morning she had to take a potty break. With a quick flush and darting back down the hall to her computer post she noticed me by and quickly said, "I washed my hands!" "You did? That was pretty darn fast, hmmm... let me smell your hands." Yes I did smell her hands :) Don't knock it I know some of you have done that too. Okay so anyways, I proceeded to tell her I didn't smell any soap on her hands and she tried to assure me that she did. I said we should check out the sink b/c if she had it would be wet. On our trip down the hall I was informed she had wiped the sink dry b/c of course she wanted to clean up her mess. We arrived in the bathroom and just as she said the sink was nice and dry. So I, as any observant parent might do said, "well if you wiped the sink dry then there must be a really wet paper towel in the trash." I might add at this point that she knew she had been had. I gave her the opportunity to make a better choice so I asked her again if she was sure she washed her hands. Can you guess the answer? It was YES! So I kindly asked to see the towel she had cleaned the sink with. That little girl dug to the very bottom of the bathroom trash until she found a somewhat wet paper towel. Oh yes, I let her dig. She offered it to me and I said she could keep holding it. Then asked her if she really cleaned the sink, emptied out the trash, tossed the little wet towel in and then put all the trash back on top. Why oh why must we continue to weave our little webs - don't we do that as adults sometimes too :) Only this time no words came forth. I think she knew she had dug a hole and was in about as far as she could go. She refused to talk and I said how sorry I was that this was the choice she had made but since she refused to tell me what happened she would have to spend her time in her room in bed having no fun at all. Tears were shed but she completely refused to tell the truth or make a peep. After about an hour and a half ordeal to which she missed out on a fun breakfast of donuts and milk and a bubble bath that the other two got to enjoy she finally whispered she had not washed her hands and we moved forward with talking about being truthful. Then she spent another 1/2 hour writing Tell the Truth over and over as her punishment for being dishonest. The big disappointment however came when she asked if she could now have her donut. You can add an additional 1/2 hour of crying and moping around over the loss of a donut to our lengthy morning. My reply to the donut request, "what a bummer that you made that choice of not owning up - I bet that makes you sad that you missed out. You can have a donut tomorrow morning." And then we went on our merry way or at least I did :)

Happy to go to bed early - This one actually happened yesterday and of course you can probably name the culprit.... he likes to eat grass if you need a little help. When we picked up AJ from daycare we got the nice message that he had spit on someone. What! We don't spit on people! The rule in our house is when you lose control of yourself in such a way you go to bed early. You come home, you eat dinner, and you are in bed before the sun even remotely begins to set. As AJ was getting ready for bed we recounted the day and recalled just why he was not getting to play for the evening. Daddy says how sorry and sad he is that AJ can't play and hopes that tomorrow he will be better so we can do fun things... and blam - there it was. I'm happy to go to bed early! You guessed it... both our faces have a blank look for a slight moment like what do you say to that? Well here's what you say to that - I hope you still feel that way when we are all in having a good time and you are in bed and then exit the room.

Awwwwww Shoot! LOL

What's next?

2010-04-24T11:26:00.004-05:00

So you know I have been a little speechless lately... check out this post if you are a little lost. I have several things rolling around in my head that I am just not sure what to do with or how to even lay them out in a post. So I am going to toss out several little posts with some of the things on my mind and hopefully as I do things might feel less like a mess inside my head. LOL

One of the things that I find myself thinking a lot about lately is what's next for the Gillman's. We're here, we've adopted two great kiddos and have a fabtabulous kiddo by birth. We're in a groove mostly, back to the daily grind, living life as usual. Many around us who have been through the adoption process are headed in for round two or are starting these amazing ministries to help children in Ethiopia. So what about us? What's next for us?

Can I just be honest and say there is no desire to add another kiddo to our family. I don't feel God moving us to step out again on this adoption journey and I am not just saying that b/c the road is stressful or hard at times. I just don't feel God moving us that way at all. I also don't feel this pounding desire to start a ministry. Don't get me wrong.... we love Ethiopia, it's where our children are from and has a very special place in our hearts but to be honest our time in Ethiopia was uneventful. For a variety of reasons we didn't get to spend time like most families with the staff of our agency and with the few trips to shop and visiting a couple of orphanages our trip was confined to the place we stayed for the most part. Did we see hard things, yes. Did we see need, yes. Do we want to respond to that need, yes..... We have and will continue to do so but I don't see that forming into any kind of ministry for us.

I look around and see so many who are doing these things - adopting again, going on mission trips, starting ministries and they all started the same place we did. So what's the difference with us? I don't know. Maybe that's why I am journaling this post right now. See, this is just one of several things rolling around in my head with no particular answer.... leaves me a little speechless. Actually it just leaves me rambling and maybe you all don't really want to hear me ramble LOL!

What I do know is this... God moves the direction of my life. He is in control and in charge of what is decided for the Gillmans. I also know that what He desires most is for me to simply have a relationship with Him, and while faith without deeds is dead our deeds need to be directed by the Lord too. I am super proud of my friends who are doing some amazing things with the Lord's leading but I don't want to just start a ministry, etc b/c it's what others are doing. Whatever we decide to do I want to do it b/c the Lord said to do it.

Hmmm..... still a little speechless and still wondering what the Lord has for the Gillman's :)

Check back soon for some more rambling.
Love to all,
Kim

Speechless.......

2010-04-18T18:43:00.002-05:00

Speechless..... this is usually not how someone would categorize me but lately I have had little to say. At least on the blog that is. Maybe it's that I have a lot to say but really don't want to toss it out to the whole world to hear. Which actually kind of bothers me b/c one of my goals is to be transparent so that others can see God through me.

I really do have a lot to say but between trying to tame the tongue regarding some of the things I have to say and wrestling with thoughts and feelings in terms of the adoption a little I have found myself sort of keeping things inward.

As I have been typing this it makes me wonder why I am typing this.... I think I want to say the things I have to say but need to do figure out how to say them in the right way.

So with that said - come back soon I might just have a lot to say, LOL!

Monday Meditation: In Control......

2010-04-11T22:46:00.006-05:00

One of my sweetest friends, Leslie, posted this on her blog last week...... It's from Beth Moore's new book, "So long insecurity."

...Lord, help me to learn how to hang on tight to You when my life is rocked by dramatic change. Empower me to trust You and not to panic or fight for control. Help me to stop confusing a change in my circumstances with a change in my security status. You are my security, O God. You are the one sure thing. When everything around me shakes, You are unshakable. Nothing has the propensity to reveal false gods to me like a sudden change in my circumstances. Help me to see them and surrender them instantaneously. Use change to provoke what needs changing in me, Lord, and to increase my appreciation of the only One who is the same yesterday, today, and forever...

I am just getting ready to start this book and can't wait. It comes at a great time for me too b/c there are things we are encountering and/or others that we love and care about are encountering that seem unfair and frustrating. Nothing God can't handle but Satan loves to pull us into fear and worry. It's good to be reminded that God is in complete control!

I would love to know what books you all are reading now - anything you just picked up and can't wait to get started on? Anything you are in the middle of or just finished reading that you think is worth a read?

Blessings to all!
Kim

A piece of the plan.....

2010-04-04T21:00:00.002-05:00

October 2006 we made the official decision to adopt. In January 2007 we submitted our application and were accepted into America World's program. Our journey was long and winding, however, I believe God really needed it to be that way so we would do what He wanted and not what we wanted. Those twists and turns brought us from wanting an infant girl to two children... two older children. Our story went from simply wanting another child and trying to make a difference in the world to following the Lord with each step of our life and letting His will be done. In August 2009 AJ and Selam became part of our family and we are all forever changed. This road has been much more difficult than I ever imagined but I have told myself over and over in those hard times that this was God's plan and He is still here. He will reveal himself when He needs to and will be walking ahead of us making paths straight. We walk by faith so much in this journey and trust that God has our back b/c we rarely see His plans, but on occasion He allows a glimpse of what He has going on for us and that is just what happened today.

Selam ..... is a very spiritual little girl. She loves to pray and talks about praying often. She knows who Jesus is and has heard the stories. We were quite amazed at how much she did know once her English really started to flourish. She has asked a lot of questions from time to time after coming home from church or when she witnesses something happening in church (such as Communion). She's eager to learn. Today during the children's service the kids were given an opportunity to respond to God. Would they like Him to live in their hearts? Because I serve in the area Jenna and Selam are in I get the amazing joy of watching them worship and sing to our God, pray to Him when something is on their hearts or respond to Him when He nudges them His way. As kids were asked today if they wanted Jesus to live in them I watched Selam debate.. she leaned forward and started to get up, she sat back down, she started to get up and sat back down, then her leader moved in close and spoke to her in a short conversation and I watched Selam with confidence get up and move to the front. Selam took the opportunity to answer God when He moved her to come forward and I found myself seeing a piece of the plan.

I was overwhelmed - I watched her and pondered how these children are not mine. I am simply a vessel He is using to bring them to the plan He has for her. Again I was reminded that this adoption journey has had nothing to do with the fact that I wanted another child in my family. Approximately 15 months ago Selam was alone in Ethiopia - As I watched her this morning I thought about how God had a plan for her life and He called me to play a simple role to help him carry out that plan. There is so much more He has for her! I am so thankful I made the decision to follow His leading b/c today a small child, His child named Selam became one step closer to Him.

He is alive and a living God who loves us. He calls us out of our darkness and sets the lonely in families. He brings people together who are on opposite ends of the earth to carry out His plans b/c He loves us so much. I can't wait to see what He has for all three of our kids.

Thank you Jesus for bringing Selam and AJ into our family - thank you for moving me to act, thank you for speaking to my little girl's heart this morning, thank you for showing me another piece of the plan and may Your will continue to be done in our lives. Amen!

The Laundry Monster - Tamed!

2010-03-28T20:50:00.003-05:00

Since we have been home our laundry has been out of control. Before I knew it the baskets in everyones rooms were overflowing each week and there were loads upon loads of laundry to do. Then while chatting with another adoptive mom on the phone one night who had just tried some new methods for laundry which she had snagged from another adoptive mom's blog I decided it was time to get the laundry monster under control myself. There should be no reason it lingers and piles up so much and places such a burden on us. So without further rambling here are the ideas that have the laundry in our house waving the white flag! By the way ... Thanks Sherry S and Renee V!

Bye Bye Laundry Mess ...

1. Get rid of multiple laundry baskets.

2. Find one central location that everyone has access to and place the family laundry basket there.

3. Each day everyone takes their dirty laundry to that location

4. We do one load of laundry each day, sometimes two if we have changed clothes more than once. One light colors or whites and one darker colors. Towels get thrown in with either load when they need to be washed.

5. Jammies get multiple nights use, as well as, towels. The kids fold their jammies up each morning and place them on their beds rather than using a new pair each night and each person has their own towel which gets used a couple of times before washing.

6. Those who can put away do! Our 6 year old and 5 year old put away their own laundry - as well as my hubby so that makes putting away so much easier and faster.

7. Sheets and blankets get washed as needed on weekends and seems to get done really quickly b/c there is no other laundry that needs to get done before it.

I have to say I was a little skeptical but for three weeks now our laundry basket remains virtually empty and it's been three weeks since I had more than a load to do at a time. Laundry has been the furthest thing from my mind and it's been amazing. So feel free to use any and or all ideas for your own to tame your own laundry monster.

By the way... this is my laundry basket tonight. Seriously! This is about as bad as it gets around our house anymore. Yipee!!

Blessings to all,
Kim

Update on us

2010-03-15T22:15:00.009-05:00

Wow we have been pretty silent on the blog the past couple of weeks. I have had a couple of big projects at work and a couple of big projects at home so needless to say the blog took a back seat. For those of you who are interested I thought I would post a little update about Gillman life b/c I had not done that in a while. We recently wrapped up Upward basketball. Jenna had a great time and I was super proud of her for trying something new.

Selam continues to do well in school. They recently tested her to see how far she had come over the school year. The ELL teacher said she was right on for a kido who had been home for 6 months and said she had even passed a few of the other children who had been in the US a little longer than her. With that said she felt like we would definitely need another good year in the ELL program. That means we will again be juggling two elementary schedules for the next year. I guess it's a small price for her to be successful in school :)

AJ is doing great at his new child care program that we switched to at the end of the year... although we just found out today that she will not be doing care after May. Nice - but God is in control of all things and it's not something they knew ahead of time so we will figure that out. We continue to have some behavior struggles with AJ but we really feel that is more to do with him not having any guidance in social behavior (just our guess from what we know). We have really had to assess our expectations of AJ b/c he acts much younger than his age - that has been incredibly hard to do b/c our brains naturally want to treat him more like his age.

Some things we are seeing in general right now for those who are coming behind us...

1. Selam is really processing the past and the present verbally. We're working through that with her but it's draining. We have also had to re-direct more appropriate times to talk about the past as it seems she brings those issues up when we are out in a crowd or in front of others or at times when we are trying to get through a routine like bedtime. We also feel like some of it is attention grabbing so we have been trying to feel out what's real and what's put on. Word to the wise... do not let your kiddos look through pictures of their past at 7 pm when their bedtime is only an hour a way or you will have an extremely hard time getting them to let go of what they know in order to go to sleep. A few weeks ago I thought I was doing a good thing by looking through photos of Ethiopia with her and processing life then when it came time for bed she was a mess.

2. Again with Selam we are processing her expectations of life here. It seems she thinks at this time we can just purchase anything and everything. We hear things like, "we just buy a new one" or "I want that - we buy that." I guess when you go from nothing to much trying to understand the actual reality of finances is difficult. We do not have any of this with AJ and I really believe this is something most process with older children only. We have been really careful to limit opportunities for shopping and spending money in front of her and focused her more on taking care of what we have.

3. Our patience has thinned out again. Those first 4 months home were really trying and then we had about 3 months of leveling out. Now that we are moving into that 7th month home the kids (all of them) are trying to establish their order again, pushing each others buttons, acting out and well lets just say we are having little patience and trying to get our parenting skills in check. While this road is 100 times better than when we first got home it's still exhausting. I do also believe cabin fever is playing a small role in this as well.

4. Jenna is trying to find some Independence. Jenna was an only child for 6 years. While we didn't give her everything she wanted she had quite a bit of Independence in our house. AJ and Selam both really want to be like Jenna and imitate her on many levels and while she has tolerated that well the past 3 months and even nurtured that for them she is pulling away a little. We are trying to find ways for her to be able to have that time away from the kids therefore we have been doing some extra curricular classes after school,letting her hang with family members on her own, etc.

5. We are also still experiencing some lying on both of the kids part. AJ seems to be in a mode of lying to get out of trouble which honestly is quite normal so I am not overly worried. Selam continues to struggle with that.. mostly trying to convince us of how great life was in Ethiopia. We've heard some outrageous tales of her home, her life, the things she got to do, etc. At this point we have chosen not to feed into that and only respond when we are getting truth or something that sounds more like truth based on what we know. We have responded however when it is lies about daily life here and now. I am amazed at what an issue this is. I think it is extremely typical but we never heard families prior to us talking much about it.

So that's about it in the G House for now. Blessings to you and yours!

The best rolls EVER

2010-03-08T18:33:00.006-06:00

I found this recipe for rolls from the Pioneer Woman website and they have become a true favorite in our house. We can't get enough of them when I make them.

When I have time I use Rhodes frozen rolls but during the week I don't have time to let them thaw and rise so we use Sister Schuberts Parker House Style b/c I can take them out of the freezer and put them right into the oven. I guess if you have a ton of time on your hands you can make them from scratch but with 3 kids in our house semi-homemade is the name of the game :)

So... once you have your rolls before putting them into the oven (bake occording to directions on package) melt a tablespoon of butter and then baste the rolls. I cook them about 1/2 way and then take them out and baste again. After basting I sprinkle with Rosmary and return to the oven. They smell so good and melt in your mouth from the butter.

Enjoy and if you are like our house you will not make any other rolls after this batch!

ELL Stage 3: Speech Emergence

2010-03-06T17:30:00.004-06:00

I wanted to make sure that I completed the series on English Language Learning and after meeting with Selam's teachers this past week discovered we are well into stage 3 which is Speech Emergence.

The Speech Emergence stage typically happens anywhere between 6 months and 2 years home. One of the major factors (from what Selam's ELL teachers seem to help us understand) when it comes to moving through these stages is how much English the child is getting away from home. In our home Selam hears mostly all English. We do have Ethiopian music which plays in our home and on her MP3 but other than that she rarely hears Amharic. I do want to say that is really because we lack the language or anyone close by who knows the language to help keep it going. We are not against her keeping her native language in any way - we just have little capability of keeping it going. So back to length of time for sages :) Children who live in two worlds... their native tongue and their new language typically take a little longer to move through the stages.

Characteristics of this stage

Increased comprehension
Uses simple sentences: I want milk please.
An expanded vocabulary
Continued grammatical errors

What you can do to help your child

Give your child opportunities to recall information. Being able to recall for you what they did each day or what just happened will help with comprehension skills and give them an opportunity to precess words, their order, etc. If you are looking for a way to do that check out my post on The Learning Jar.

Spend time describing and explaining to your child. This will continue to expand their vocabulary will help them with the meanings of words they still may not be understanding or grabbing hold of.

Give opportunities to draw, paint or give written responses. A great way to do this is by reading a short story to your child at home then asking them to draw you a picture about the story. This will help connect visuals with words and continue to help with comprehension.

Role play with your child. This is a GREAT time to get out the toys and just play with them. When playing with dolls, barbies, train sets, etc you are demonstrating with your child the way things should happen and continuing to expand vocabulary... not to mention giving them an opportunity to express themselves with you.

Special Note on Pronunciation:

One of the things we are seeing with AJ at this stage is some trouble with pronunciation. Many times words get jumbled and run together. He has trouble molding his mouth to make the shapes and honestly has little interest in trying at times. As I discussed this a little with the ELL teacher to find some guidance she stated it's often difficult to pronounce the words and from her experience it can sometimes even be painful b/c you are using new muscles in your face.

Some things we have been doing to help this are:

Reading silly books that use those sounds AJ seems to be having a hard time with

When I notice it we will right away start saying words back and forth that have that movement to our mouths. Leep and Loop have been a favorite lately.

We also have AJ look at our mouths while we are pronouncing those words with him. Be prepared to have some fun laughing and giggling together as each of you slow the words down and try to imitate the mouth movements. It's provided some great bonding time I have to say.

Lastly, we are having AJ screened by the school to make sure there is nothing wrong. Sometimes things can be a little more serious such as the formation of the inside of the mouth so being evaluated will either rule that out or provide us with an opportunity to spend time with a speech therapist to move through those issues.

If you want to find the previous posts on Stage 1 and 2 just check out Kid Connection at the top of my site! I will post on Stage 4 at a later date.

Creamy Tacos

2010-02-27T20:12:00.001-06:00

Ever get tired of the same old tacos? We love tacos but get tired of the traditional version so we like to break out this one which was handed down from my sis-in-law Dina. Enjoy!

Sauce
1 lb ground hamburger (or turkey if you prefer)
1 can Rotel tomatoes
1 lb Velveta cheese
1 lg can of ranch style beans
1 can of chili
1 pt of whipping cream

Other items you will need for layering:
Tortilla chips
Lettuce
Tomatoes
Black olives
Green onions
Cheese

Brown hamburger or turkey and drain. Add other increadients with the exception of the whipping cream and mix well. Just before eating add the whipping cream. Once sauce is complete pour over tortilla chips and layer with other ingredients of our choice.

A day @ the park!

2010-02-21T19:00:00.000-06:00

Finally we had the opportunity to get outdoors thanks to some nice weather this weekend. Here are a few pics of our playtime.

I am going to be taking a break from computers this week so this is all I will have for you over the next several days. My nerves have been frazzled lately and I have a lot on my plate at work right now so putting the computer down will allow me to focus on other things :)

Enjoy the pics and have a blessed week!

T R O U B L E staring you in the face my friends, LOL

The Big Sis enjoying a little swing time

Climbing together is much more fun

Peek-a-boo I caught you!

We found this super fun tree and the girls had a good time posing in it.

Valentine's Day Dance

2010-02-18T21:34:00.001-06:00

This past Valentine's weekend Bryan and the girls went to a daddy daughter dance at our community center. They all had a great time together and the girls begged to wear their Ethiopian dresses we got for them. We had been waiting for a special time to wear them..... I had hoped it might be a bit warmer since the dresses had no sleaves, etc but what the hay - it was Vday and we can slap on coats right :)

So here they are in their traditional Ethiopian dresses that we got when we traveled to bring home AJ and Selam. We decided while the girls were dressed up we should probably put AJ in his Ethiopian clothing b/c honestly he is growing so fast there might not be another chance to get them all together for a picture in them.

Meditation Monday - The Olympic Athlete

2010-02-15T21:39:00.001-06:00

We love the Olympics in our house especially the winter Olympics. It seems to be on anytime the TV is on right now. There have been a couple of other things that have been going on along side us watching the Olympics (a fellow church member going through a difficult time and a message from our pastor this past week) which has me thinking a lot about the athletes themselves. It's funny how God can use the every day things to speak to you about how He wants our lives to be, etc. I spent the day at home today not feeling well snuggled up under a blanket watching race after race and then ended up getting online and looking up information on how the Olympic athlete trains. I came across some very cool things that I thought could apply to the Christian walk.

The Olympic Athlete

Trains their whole life for one moment - the moment to race
They train well and train often
What they teach themselves over and over in training surfaces when they step into competition
They are extremely serious about what they do
To perform at a specific level they ignore all distractions

And then this statement that I found by an Athlete really stuck with me: Practice makes perminent!

Being a Christian is serous business. Many times the words of the bible compare our Christian walk with that of a race or sporting event.

Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! 1 Corinthians 9:24

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1

So after looking up some of this information I decided I wanted to know a little more about what specific training these amazing athletes did to be the best and this is what I found.

Cardio - To go the distance and manage their weight and body.
Nutritionally Sound - These athletes eat well. They watch what they consume and put into their bodies. They get just the right amounts!
Strength Training - These athletes spend time building muscle to go fast, go strong, and go to the very end as hard as they can.
Interval Workouts - when they train they will often go 20 or 30 minutes at a really strong pace and then slow down for a bit, then pick it back up again and so on.
Agility Drills - They need to know how to start, stop, and turn on a dime b/c often what they plan for doesn't always fall into line just as think it might.
Road Workout - They often have a workout they do on the road b/c it's not good for them to start something and then completely stop, however life sometimes has to slow down for different reasons so they have a backup workout which keeps them on track even in the slow times.

I have pondered a lot today on how I can apply these specific training routines to my Christian life. How can I be a strong runner for my Lord?

Cardio - Prayer! Because I can do nothing without my God it all starts with prayer and staying close to Him, being dependant upon Him and allowing Him to come into my life through spending time in prayer.
Nutritionally Sound - Spending time in the Word! If I am not building my life on the principles of the Word of God then my body isn't going to have what it needs, my mind isn't going to have what it needs to even compete.
Strength Training - Memorization of the Word! Not only do I need to be in the Word but that Word needs to be in me. When times get tough and I need to make it through to the very end. The Word of God needs to be tucked deep into my mind and my soul so that when I need to pull out all the stops to cross the finish line I can push through strong!
Interval Workouts - Service and Steps of Faith! There are times in my Christian walk that the Lord gives extra insight, extra knowledge and every time I have obtained that was when I was doing something to serve Him. I have times in my walk where I go really strong and hard for a short period of time - and each time my faith increases greatly or I walk away from that time knowing more about Him than I did before. I need to be willing to swim in the deep end of the pool from time to time in order to grow closer and go farther in the plan He has for me.
Agility Drills - I thought about how hard life can be sometimes as I looked at agility drills. How can I be ready to stop and start, to turn and change plans in an instance. All the things mentioned above would obviously help but a couple of things came to my mind when I thought about this part of an athlete's training and my Christian walk. One being I can't do things alone. If I try it is just to hard. Fortunately Christ left us with a helper! The Holy Spirit who walks beside us each day, who lives within us. When we lean on Him we can be ready to move, and turn, and stop and go when life comes calling. Second, I also thought about our relationships with others. We were built for relationships! When we develop strong relationships with those who are also Christ like then we have additional support and help when we need to be better.
Road Workout - A plan to stay on track! Life gets busy. Let's face it - with kids, work, managing a home, trying to do all the things mentioned above... well it's exhausting just thinking about it. That's why we need a plan. To just say I will do it isn't enough b/c it doesn't get done. I forget to read my bible or I get to the end of the day and realize I haven't spoken to my Lord. My Road trip as a Christian just so happens to be the things of this world b/c if we are Christians then we are not of this world are we? So my plan, my road workout, will help me avoid letting the worldly things take control and allow me to do the things that really matter in my race.

So I have done some soul searching today and find myself a little short. I want to hear the Lord say well done good and faithful servant. I want to end up with Gold when I see Him for the first time. These Olympic Athletes don't wait until the day before the race to train. Remember I said they train for their entire lives to skate or ski for 3 minutes. I am working for Eternity! I believe I will be making a plan to train this week! What are you doing to train for your big day? For the race of your life?

Love to all!
Kim